This Big Journey- ie: The Pursuit of Happiness.

Everyone is a part of this big journey, this big pursuit of happiness that we call life.

The truth is, everyone wants something. Everyone wants to achieve some sense of fulfilment, purpose- happiness. People are looking for it in the travelling the world, reality TV, in expensive bags and dusty brown paperbacks. They look for it in dates, in women, their kids, their music, their bong, their friends, their boyfriends, girlfriends, homes, beds, jobs- everyone is looking somewhere for this ideal life, this fulfilment, and they're pursuing this happiness. We are all on a noble pursuit to find what makes us happy in order to make it through hard times- no one knows where to look, or how to achieve it, all we know is we want it.

The pitfalls of this pursuit?
If everyone is on the same journey there's this big contest. Darwin's whole idea about the 'survival of the fittest' applies so greatly it scares me sometimes. In life the people who aren't strong enough tend to fall down and get left behind by a world that refuses completely to stop turning. The strong survive and go on and continue to try and make sense of it. Harsh isn't it? There's competition and fighting and in a modern age the fights are different, they're emotional, psychological and tend to be a lot more about messing with people's heads than a primal instinct to repel other individuals. The "weak" and the "strong" have moved away from being defined as the individuals at peak physical fitness and those with the worst, but over to what seems to me like a battle of wills.

Here's where I think this idea of social Darwinism- in relation to a world where I see us as theoretically living to find happiness, this battle of the "strong" and the weak" is will related right? So even if you see yourself as weak, or you know you're weak, there's a certain element of species development. Human's adapt right? So what's to say someone of "weak" will has fallen down for the 99th time out of 100? Life is hard and people are mean and it all looks very bleak, and this "weak"person is laying face down somewhere (probably the floor of their room, maybe the school library) and they are thinking about giving up. They are thinking of removing themselves from this big race, this big pursuit of happiness. They're thinking it's too hard, it's too rough and I give up.

Maybe they lay there in acceptance of their fate, and cry or just lay silently. But maybe they only do that for 5 minutes, maybe 10. Maybe they sit up and brush themselves down. Maybe they sit there and realise this: you might fail, but if you try at something and it works out, you gain something great. If you don't try at all nothing will change.
I think that's a theory instilled in all of us as human beings. We have this amazing capacity to keep going, to keep fighting even when it gets really hard, when every ache in our body and pain in our chest tells us we can't do it, we defy every odd piled against us and pull through.

People are always looking for change, for bigger for better, for brighter. It's hard to understand the idea that happiness isn't an end goal. You can't reach happiness, you can't touch it and you can't contain it or keep it or store it for those days when it gets hard. Happiness can't be an end goal.
So what are we all pursuing? Why do we all have this idea in our heads that if we get that grade we'll be happy, that cookie will make us happy, that promotion, that boy, that girl, that dress- if we go here we'll be happy, if we move away we'll be happy, if we stay right where we are we are sure to be happy. Why? Why do we think like that?

Although I've never watched the film 'The Pursuit of Happyness' I was scrolling through the internet at an obscene hour of the morning and I found this quote:

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"

And this is what I was thinking about. Happiness is not the end goal, it's not the destination. It's the journey. While you're making your way and everyone's on this pursuit and you're caught up in this big race, stop yourself for a second and think about it- really think about it.
The things that make us happy, the possessions, the people the places- they're special. We find happiness not in our end goals but the rough time we have trying to get there.

We find it in the people we meet, on page 147 of a really good book, in old movies- we find it in the love we have for our parents, kids, sisters, brothers, friends. We find it in eating toast on the floor ar 3am, we find it climbing under a duvet with someone we love. We find it as we move through life, in our passions, in our music, in driving around at 11pm, old photos of when we were kids, We find it in the times we laugh so hard we think we might lose a couple of fairly essential organs, negotiating cobble stones in £15 high heels.

We're all on this great pursuit, getting caught up in the race to find this unfindable thing- when you realise it's all around us. Happiness is not something you can achieve because you have it. Happiness is not something you can chase because the simple act of chasing it means you are ignoring every opportunity to feel it, to have it. Thomas Jefferson had a pretty incredible insight when he decided what he felt the pursuit of happiness was.

Honestly. I don't know why I'm writing this tonight.
It was just one of those moments of clarity situations where I felt kind of overwhelmed with the idea that we write our own stories, we form our own pursuit of happiness.
It's been weird lately, things are a little rushed and a little out of place and I needed some time to slow down and think- and when I did I guess this happened.

If you want to ask anything or just say anything at all I'd love to hear from you
Goodnight everyone x

December Favourites: What's In My Bag.

It's winter time! And I thought I'd share with you lovely people a few items in my tiny little bag.
Enjoy!

1. Chunky Accessorize scarf.

I bought this chunky piece of knitted goodness last year as a Christmas present to myself, it was a premeditate buy and one that I am so glad I went for! The scarf is a big snood and is 100% wool- I cannot express to you how warm it keeps me. I have to wear it as one big loop when it's even mildly sunny because the thing keeps my neck a little too well insulated at times. I am DEFINITELY the sort of person who feels the cold (I blame my mother for giving me her incredibly poor circulation) and this buy is one of the best I've ever made.

2. Palmer's Cocoa Butter Lip Balm.

Palmer's- I don't know what it is, but they just get it right for me. Being a huge advocate of all their moisturising products, be it butters, oils or any other chocolatey products of joy- their lip products is what got me hooked. I usually go for a tube of their glossy moisturisers but when I grabbed this little gem off the shelf in a Tesco express all in a faff (as per usual) I figured I'd have a regular chap-stick type balm, for ease of access. This one is the chocolate and mint, and lord the smell is honestly gorgeous, but not too overwhelming either.

My lips have been so completely chapped and sore lately (my lip struggles never cease, I won't bore you with the details) and this little lip balm is an absolute saviour. Usually I put some on in the morning as I do my makeup to keep them soft, top up before I rush out into the cold and then also a little at night before I go to sleep so I don't wake up with that awful chapped and mildly pissed off look. (Instead I just stick with the mildly pissed off look.)
Palmer's you're just doing it right. Thank you for gorgeous smelling, beautiful effective products.

3. Sony earphones.

Earphones. Essential for travelling around Kent on poor public transport, especially in the dark and cold, by myself.

My current companions are little pink Sony buds, and I love them very much.

4. Lena Dunham's: Not That Kind Of Girl.

Okay, so this could turn into an entire post fangirling over Lena Dunham: her amazingly successful shows, her acting or writing, her wit, her honesty, her incredible sense of humour, fabulous levels of realism, how she is flawed in such a human way that everyone can relate to the broken pieces of her, her approaches to her own hair (currently luminous and amazing), her outlook on body image- Lena Dunham is someone who has completely enticed me into the arts world she emerged from.

Her book is hilarious and heartbreaking, realistic and outrageous, sincere and obscenely sarcastic- the storiess you will hear will each have an impact on the reader: making them stop to think and consider something: their own outlook on the world, their parents, their childhood fears, a string of ex-boyfriends, being in love, being heartbroken. Lena Dunham is incredible- I bought the book the second it hit the shelves in Waterstones and I keep it in my bag for free periods or coffee's alone, even the bus (despite the fact reading whilst travelling makes me feel gross- that's how much I was committed to reading this book.).

5. Kleenex. (I'm not going to photograph it because y'all know what Kleenex is, don't play.)

It's cold season, embrace the granny attitude of keeping tissues on you. You will thank yourself, I promise.

6. Body Shop Hand Sanitizer.

Again, it's cold season and after feeling like my insides hated me for about 4 days, I am OVER being ill. I am by no means a germ freak BUT I am sick of being ill, painkillers and laying in bed not being able to sleep. So I invested in hand sanitiser- which usually I have issues with because the smell makes me feel like hospitals and waiting rooms (and I don't know about you, but it's not a smell that hugely appeals to me). My personal favourite is Mango Hand Cleanse- but I'm just a mango obsessive so.

7. To Do Book.

I am a very disorganised and easily panicked individual, so I have a to do book. I picked up this teenie little black book for my notes and lists etc from Sainsbury's for literally 99p, and I feel like everyone needs a light little list book full of their to do lists. My essential.

Hope you enjoyed this little insight into what's in my bag! Please feel free to comment below anything you have to say- I'd love to hear from you!

X

Winter Skin Worries

Summer is coming to an end, the bronzers, fake tans and bikinis are being hidden away again and the cool weather is coming!
If you're anything like me the cold weather means my skin will decide to play up and fuss. It's understandable, it comes as a nasty shock to many when the cold weather comes around. But never fear, this is my cold weather products for skin!

1. Washes and Cleansers!

Okay, so teenage years are infamous for being the ones spent desperately trying to sort out various issues with appearance, one that affects us the most? Your skin. The only way I've been able to battle my skin over the last couple of years has been trying a variety of different face washes and finding ones that work for me. My skin is fairly average, although it gets oily around my nose and T zone in the summer, and dries right out in the cold weather! (Basically my skin just hates me...)

So, I use Neutrogena's Visibly Clear Pink Grapefruit wash for my everyday in the morning. I had to try it because I used Neutrogena's regular orange coloured wash- and this one was pink. Pink. What can a girl do?!

I love this product because if your skin is feeling oily, not fresh and just a little bit meh, it's really great for getting rid of that without drying out your skin completely! I always find any facewash with microbeads in it make my skin finish up feeling really clean and scrubbed and soft afterwards, and this was no exception. The product smells great, looks very cute but most importantly works for me! The only thing I would say is I wouldn't use this product more than once a day on myself, simply because my skin would dry out so quickly! For removing impurities this product is my number one sking product, but I would say that the product claims to sort out your blemishes... it may do an extent but I havent found it to fix my blemishes completely! *Sigh*...
To conclude: great smelling, leaves my face feeling super soft, clears impurities super well, and doesn't dry out my skin! It's only about £3.00 at Boots, and such a bargain!

2. Moisturisers

This moisturiser was the easiest thing to pick, and yes- I am going to gush about it.
My mum has always been a great believer in the goodness of The Body Shop. I grew up on fruity soaps, sweet perfumes and am the proud owner of every lip balm flavour The Body Shop can offer. My mum left me the Vitamin E Moisture Lotion as a little pre exams present (because she knew I was stressed, and my skin was also in a sad state, and just also because my mum is a wonderful lady...) so I had no hype or expectation for it to be fabulous.

I fell in love with this moisturiser straight away. Why?
Well firstly, it smells subtly wonderful. The scent isn't super strong and overpowering, just slightly sweet and fresh enough for you to just appreciate it and think "ahh".
Secondly- it's light. Now i'm usually useless with moisturising- I hate it. It's tedious and boring and I forget to do it. Due to this product I now remember and (this will sound really very sad) look forward to using this product. It's very very light and has a kind of "whipped" quality to it, so it doesn't sit on your skin for hours and make it look oil.
Thirdly, you only need a tiny bit of the product and it goes a long way- I've had mine since April and it's still going strong with me now, and I use it every day! I absolutely love it, and even though it looks like a very small tube for a £7 product- it's 100% worth it.

Now I keep skin simple and with washes and moisturisers, so part 3 would be my regular foundation/ tinted moisturiser/ BB cream things- and as those change so regularly I won't put all the ones I use on here!
So that's it really, if your skin is getting a bit boring and sad, and just generally neglected- these are my little skin pick me ups for when the weather gets grey and you skin needs a little happiness!

If you have any suggestions about any  reasonably priced foundations that are good for every day please leave me any comments, or if you have anything to ask/ say about the products above I would love to see it so let me know!
That's all from me,
Love Matti X

Sweater Weather, Better Weather!

SO. Finally, it's happening- sweater weather has arrived!

Disclosure: living in England do not think that I don't treasure and wish for and love every tiny second of sunshine that we've had this summer, don't think that I don't totally and completely appreciate every ounce of vitamins and goodness from the sky, and the heat and the fluffy white clouds and days at the beach and generally soaking up those rays... I do. Trust me, I appreciate every bit of them.

But... it has been a long summer, and it began getting to the point a few days ago, where the mugginess was setting in. Where we were all packed off back to school and shoved into stuffy classrooms and overcrowded buses with the all too familiar and pungent odour of teenage boys after PE classes, and girls spraying an entire ozone layer of body spray. It was sticky and uncomfortable and no one was prepared. School

buildings in the UK aren't built for Indian summers, school uniforms are designed for the bitterly cold winter months, for icy winds and snow and sharp little droplets of rain. So needless to say everyone has been melting for about 4 days now. And for those who, like me, are lucky enough to be in a sixth form that allows home clothes, have nothing to wear. Because we all thought we were being incredibly sensible in shopping Autumn/ Winter for our back to school kit. Little did we know the weather had other plans...

But then- Plot Twist: I woke up this morning tucked right into the covers of my bed, not wanting to stretch out my limbs too far... and why? Because it was too cold. And in some insane way this pleased me. Why?

Because in my personal and humble opinion, sweater weather is better weather.

This first crispy fresh Autumn day is my favourite kind of day. Sweaters and leggings and boots and scarves are all things I love. Hot chocolates on cool Sunday's and walks all wrapped up in the crisp September air- what's not too love? Don't get me wrong, the summer was fabulous- bikini's,shorts, summer dresses and cute little tops is a season I love. But as much as I love soaking in the sun, I can't deny it- being tucked up in a baggy jumper or my favourite jumper of chunky scarf has been all I've wanted for the last week.

So bring on the cool days, the warm clothes and the hot chocolates!