Opinions.

Definition: In general, an opinion is a judgement, viewpoint, or statement about matters commonly considered to be subjective.

Your parents have opinions about those insanely comfy jeans that make you look a little like a hobo, how many piercings you have in your ears, what kind of grades you should be getting. Your grandmother has opinions about Apple products, and good food, perfume, girls skirts and risqué TV shows. Giuliana Rancic has opinions about hair styles and 18 year old girls embracing their cultural backgrounds- but we wont get into that debate now. Mean girls at school have opinions about your laugh or your hair, the shoes you wore last week, the way you talk in front of a class. They will sit and chat and gossip and watch- making comments about you and the way you live your life. They have their opinions.

But so do you. Regardless of how much of your opinions you vocalise, you always have them. Whether or not you tell that mean girl at school she's being mean, you have an opinion on her behaviour. Whether or not you say to your best friend that her outfit is terrible (which you, as their best friend, are entirely obligated to do) you will have an opinion. About the new person your sibling is dating, a new teacher, a cultural issue, politics, shoes, people, places, food- you have an opinion on everything too.

It came to my attention a while ago that people talk about me more than I realised, and also in a negative way- they have a certain opinion of me. Not silly bitchy school girl comments about my outfit or my laugh or my hair, but about my personality.

I like to flatter myself into thinking I am a relatively good person. I try to be good to the people around me and minimise any negative impact I have, In essence I try to be nice a lot of the time. That was an attitude I have at times in my life taken to the extreme, and that has backed-fired on me on more than one occasion. Being "too nice" is something my mother warned me about when I was younger, because people take advantage of kindness if their standards are not the same as yours. That's true of any relationship: friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleagues etc. Being "too nice" can result in you becoming totally exhausted, lost to the idea of jumping from one thing to the next to the next and not enjoying life because your're not living it for yourself.

Over the years I have lost that essence of being "too nice". I think that after a long time I realised that trying to please everyone was never going to work. I was tired out trying to juggle and keep everyone happy, I didn't think about the consequences it would have for me: being so exhausted and not myself, distracted and distant from the people I love because I worrying so much. It was a weird time and I was in a head space that I really did not want to be in.

The thing that a lot of people struggle to realise is: thinking of yourself is not always a selfish and negative action. It takes a while for this mentality to set in and that some people struggle with this concept more than others- if you care a lot about what people think and say about you, it has a much greater effect.

I am not by any means a selfless person, I can be selfish, worrying about myself alone and getting cooped up in my own head and my own problems and not sparing a thought to the people around me. Sometimes people get mad at me, or hurt or irritated and they have to snap me out of it and I feel guilty- I am no saying that I was or am now in any way a saint.

A lot more people would say I am selfish now than would have done last year.

At first, this played on my mind every spare second of the day, I felt this overwhelming pressure that people were looking at me differently and judging me, talking about me behind my back- which is something I have never ever been able to handle. But after a while I realised that constant state of guilt and worry about what people though of me was actually just bloody stupid? 

I realised this: everyone has an opinion about you, but not everyone's opinion matters. For so long I got caught up with the opinions of people who didn't like me, people who don't know me- cute boys I never talked too, popular girls who never smile. I took for granted the opinions of the people who cared about me- my mother, my brother, my friends. Because they were so close to me I almost blocked out what they had to say about me and my actions and my attitude. I'd get frustrated and mad if my mum called me out on a behaviour that was out of line- all the time caught up in guilt and anxiety about what little people thought of me.

I only realised after a couple of very awkward and destructive social situations over the last 2 years that actually- I don't care what little people think of me.

Why?

Go and read the definition again- opinions? They're SUBJECTIVE! People are absolutely allowed to have a bad opinion of me, because I realise that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I have a small circle of close friends (a conversation topic for those little people, who like to talk about the "clique" of annoying people I surround myself with) but, in my opinion, that circle of friends is one of the best I've ever had. My circle is small but consists of the best people I know, people who I love and who love me. People who make me feel better when I'm sad and buy me junk food when I'm sick- people who lend me their jackets and hug me even if they hate hugs.

I keep my circle small because you should only give all of yourself to people you trust- and actually, these little people are not people I trust. Why give yourself up to someone when you are fully aware you will simply be met with more criticism and talking behind your back?
This is something everyone needs to address in themselves, none of us a exempt from it. All of us at one time or another have expressed a mean opinion, talked behind someone's back, remarking on their actions or their character or something about them. As much as every person is entitled to their opinion and we all have freedom of speech, sometimes it's best, especially when you are emotional,a or uninformed to say nothing. Formulate your opinions based on fact as well as your gut reaction, or your opinions will be emotional and often misdirected and judgemental- it can just be destructive. If destructive energy is the only kind of energy your'e putting out, then surely you can see that destructive energy is going to be the only energy coming back to you too.

With how I live myself now I understand and appreciate that people find it harder to like me than before, when I really did try to make everyone have a good opinion of me. But the truth is, I think I am content with allowing people to earn my trust before letting them become an intrinsic part of my world. I keep good people close after a lot of trial and error, because I have opinions about who I keep close, and that's my personal choice.

I have learnt that the opinions that really matter in my life are the ones of people who came through for me. My mum, my brother, my best friends- people who are in my opinion, wonderful good people who understand and know me. They are how I gauge by actions and attitude, if I am out of line in their eyes I reassess. The people I hold close share a lot of my opinions, morals and principles and their understanding of right and wrong is one that I can get on board with and accept- so I do.

It's necessary to realise that every single person around you will have an opinion of you- but that not everyone's matters. The same way it is important to accept constructive criticism you also have to gauge when that criticism becomes destructive and unnecessary. People are going to judge and watch and talk no matter what you do, so just focus on you and the people who are meant to be in your life and just muddle through the best you can.

I Didn't Write a New Years Post.

This year I had a big post planned out for the first of January: it was about the new year, new beginnings, letting go of the old and looking to the future for the new. Here we are in the second month of 2015 and there is no such post. I wrote this post. I looked at it. I edited and rewrote it and added pictures and changed my tone, deleted the pictures and changed my title- and then I eventually deleted it.

Why?

If I am absolutely honest with myself I deleted it because I was terrified this year would be terrible. I was scared that I was setting up my expectations too high and that I'd just look back on that post at the end of 2015 and I would be disappointed.

Over the last couple years I got into this very very surreal and weird head space. Failure at anything was the end of the world, change terrified me, people's opinions because everything and even when I was happy I was stressed about something else.

This school year I set myself up with the mindset that I wasn't going to do that ever again, that I was going to enjoy this year no matter what- that I was actually going to live my life a little rather than thinking in the past and future, agonising over everything but the present. I am so much happier.

Yesterday evening was probably the highest point of my happiness in a long while and my head is still reeling from that feeling in the best possible way. However you feel about valentines day, whether you love it or hate it I am about to spill a little about mine so if you hate it skim this part, and if you don't then keep reading... It was warm and quiet and so lovely, I had a perfect afternoon in with my boyfriend- food, dumb videos, great company and the most beautiful flowers. I felt unbelievably spoilt and lucky. I got home to my family and we had dinner and laughed and talked about random stuff, we watched the office back to back and I talked to my best friend to discuss the worlds latest gossip. I was awake about 2am still thinking about how funny it is how life turns out and thinking that coincidence cannot possible exist because there's no way you could love people this much by chance. It's very cheesy and cliché but it's days like this when I am at my very happiest and it's because of the people around me and my choice to switch off and enjoy it.

It was actually my perfect day- I didn't worry or stress about anything, I was just enjoying the moments in my life. It's really easy to forget to do that in this day and age where everything is instant, every stage in your life is just preparation for the next one and things all move in fast forward. I like to take one whole day off worrying at least once a month to keep my head in order and let my body have time to recuperate from this crazy western lifestyle we all embrace as normality.

It's little things. I realised last year that there were a few things that held my attention in the moment and kept me grounded when my head was spinning from the 101 things I had to do. One was when I let people in, let them be affectionate and was affectionate back- this is so so important if you want to move yourself out of a weird head space. It's your choice whether you push people away or let them in- letting people in is so freeing and just makes everything else seem lighter on your shoulders. Things like coffee with my best ones and really cuddly dates, my beautiful little cousins keeping me occupied with their funny little sayings and make believe games- these are all moments that held my full attention and where I started feeling like myself again. Cultivating that feeling and holding onto it, trying to find it in other things will make you feel 100% better.

I know that life is never ever going to be perfect, but last night it felt pretty damn close. You are never going to have everything, you are never going to be able to be happy forever and ever-it's just not how life works, But life is a series of moments, some are better than others, but if you ignore the beautiful moments and how they make you feel, and just focus on the bad ones- then are you really learning anything? Are you really living? Or are you just trying to move through life to get to the next moment and the next?

I didn't write a new years post because I was terrified of letting myself be set up to enjoy my life. I didn't write one because I thought my hopes and expectations were too high- that was stupid because my expectations of this year have been exceeded several times already and it's only February. You attract what you put out into the world, if you put out bad energy it's going to come back to you and if you put out good energy then that's what you are going to get. Wonderful people are drawn to other wonderful people, entrepreneurs are drawn to the innovative and focussed people in this world. We are always putting something back into the world around us, effecting the people around us and it's so important to put something good back.

I think I grew up more in the last year than in the last 5 years put together and a lot of that was overwhelming and scary- I failed a lot and let myself lay down and let it make me feel worse. I am not going to do that any more and I am going to have high expectations of life because I know the way that things are going now, that I won' be disappointed by 2015, because it's already made me feel amazing.

A List of Things I'm Thankful For.

1. My family- who though crazy keep me weirdly sane.
2. My amazing friends- for being rocks.
3. My wonderful boyfriend- a pretty awesome human being all round.
4. My crazy cousins- because they put things into perspective.
5. My house- it's very very very cold out.
6. Princess Diaries- one and two.
7. People who smile and nod encouragingly at you when no one else is listening to your story- saving my self esteem since '97.
8. My iPod- for the memories and the company on public transport.
9. Old pop music- because we all need a little nostalgia from time to time.
10. Videos from when I was little- because the shaky camcorder vibes make me see how far we've come.
11. The Ellen show- standard.
12. People who leave messages in the glass on public transport- you brighten up a day,
13. People who give randomers compliments- you brightened a strangers whole day, good job.
14. People who tell me no matter how much of a lie that I have lost weight- thank you.
15. Warm fresh towels- there are few things better.
16. New sheets feeling- there are SO few things better than this feeling.
17. Hot showers- for life decisions and incredible live performances from my upcoming albums.
18. Really warm socks- Marks and Spencers men's socks, I owe you big.
19. Baby cuddles- if you need to fill up your heart with a little more love than you had before.
20. Cafe Nero- for hosting all of my deeply needed coffee's with my best ones.
21. Notebooks with blank pages- for the post break ups, the pasted in polaroids, the secrets, the crushes and the confessions of 2014.
22. Good sound quality- I do not invest in you enough, and in 2015 I am going to make a point of buying some beautiful headphones.
23. Sunshine- even if you are too weak to warm me up on these insanely cold mornings you put everything in this gorgeous golden light.
24. French toast- because I know you will always be there and you will also be glorious.
25. People who hold on to hugs for ages and make you feel like you are loved- you have saved me from falling apart more times than I will care to admit.
26. People who lend pens, hairbands, rulers, homework, textbooks etc etc etc- you are truly giving human beings.
27. Ed Sheerans EP albums- I will always feel carefree and teenage when I hear you pop up on my playlist.
28. Green Tea- for making me feel like a goddess of health when I have eaten 32 Jaffa Cakes the day before.
29. Lip balm- you take the edge off the cold and keep me looking like I have it relatively together.

This Big Journey- ie: The Pursuit of Happiness.

Everyone is a part of this big journey, this big pursuit of happiness that we call life.

The truth is, everyone wants something. Everyone wants to achieve some sense of fulfilment, purpose- happiness. People are looking for it in the travelling the world, reality TV, in expensive bags and dusty brown paperbacks. They look for it in dates, in women, their kids, their music, their bong, their friends, their boyfriends, girlfriends, homes, beds, jobs- everyone is looking somewhere for this ideal life, this fulfilment, and they're pursuing this happiness. We are all on a noble pursuit to find what makes us happy in order to make it through hard times- no one knows where to look, or how to achieve it, all we know is we want it.

The pitfalls of this pursuit?
If everyone is on the same journey there's this big contest. Darwin's whole idea about the 'survival of the fittest' applies so greatly it scares me sometimes. In life the people who aren't strong enough tend to fall down and get left behind by a world that refuses completely to stop turning. The strong survive and go on and continue to try and make sense of it. Harsh isn't it? There's competition and fighting and in a modern age the fights are different, they're emotional, psychological and tend to be a lot more about messing with people's heads than a primal instinct to repel other individuals. The "weak" and the "strong" have moved away from being defined as the individuals at peak physical fitness and those with the worst, but over to what seems to me like a battle of wills.

Here's where I think this idea of social Darwinism- in relation to a world where I see us as theoretically living to find happiness, this battle of the "strong" and the weak" is will related right? So even if you see yourself as weak, or you know you're weak, there's a certain element of species development. Human's adapt right? So what's to say someone of "weak" will has fallen down for the 99th time out of 100? Life is hard and people are mean and it all looks very bleak, and this "weak"person is laying face down somewhere (probably the floor of their room, maybe the school library) and they are thinking about giving up. They are thinking of removing themselves from this big race, this big pursuit of happiness. They're thinking it's too hard, it's too rough and I give up.

Maybe they lay there in acceptance of their fate, and cry or just lay silently. But maybe they only do that for 5 minutes, maybe 10. Maybe they sit up and brush themselves down. Maybe they sit there and realise this: you might fail, but if you try at something and it works out, you gain something great. If you don't try at all nothing will change.
I think that's a theory instilled in all of us as human beings. We have this amazing capacity to keep going, to keep fighting even when it gets really hard, when every ache in our body and pain in our chest tells us we can't do it, we defy every odd piled against us and pull through.

People are always looking for change, for bigger for better, for brighter. It's hard to understand the idea that happiness isn't an end goal. You can't reach happiness, you can't touch it and you can't contain it or keep it or store it for those days when it gets hard. Happiness can't be an end goal.
So what are we all pursuing? Why do we all have this idea in our heads that if we get that grade we'll be happy, that cookie will make us happy, that promotion, that boy, that girl, that dress- if we go here we'll be happy, if we move away we'll be happy, if we stay right where we are we are sure to be happy. Why? Why do we think like that?

Although I've never watched the film 'The Pursuit of Happyness' I was scrolling through the internet at an obscene hour of the morning and I found this quote:

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"

And this is what I was thinking about. Happiness is not the end goal, it's not the destination. It's the journey. While you're making your way and everyone's on this pursuit and you're caught up in this big race, stop yourself for a second and think about it- really think about it.
The things that make us happy, the possessions, the people the places- they're special. We find happiness not in our end goals but the rough time we have trying to get there.

We find it in the people we meet, on page 147 of a really good book, in old movies- we find it in the love we have for our parents, kids, sisters, brothers, friends. We find it in eating toast on the floor ar 3am, we find it climbing under a duvet with someone we love. We find it as we move through life, in our passions, in our music, in driving around at 11pm, old photos of when we were kids, We find it in the times we laugh so hard we think we might lose a couple of fairly essential organs, negotiating cobble stones in £15 high heels.

We're all on this great pursuit, getting caught up in the race to find this unfindable thing- when you realise it's all around us. Happiness is not something you can achieve because you have it. Happiness is not something you can chase because the simple act of chasing it means you are ignoring every opportunity to feel it, to have it. Thomas Jefferson had a pretty incredible insight when he decided what he felt the pursuit of happiness was.

Honestly. I don't know why I'm writing this tonight.
It was just one of those moments of clarity situations where I felt kind of overwhelmed with the idea that we write our own stories, we form our own pursuit of happiness.
It's been weird lately, things are a little rushed and a little out of place and I needed some time to slow down and think- and when I did I guess this happened.

If you want to ask anything or just say anything at all I'd love to hear from you
Goodnight everyone x

Relationships: A Game of Yes/ No

Okay, so the way I understand it- relationships are simple.
That is not me saying that relationships are in any way easy, but they are simple. We seem to make relationships really hard, we overcomplicate something that could be so simple to move through and develop.

Here's how I see it: relationships are a series of yes/ no questions. The questions are easy, people are difficult, Inner conflict, moral boundaries, effects on others, that's what makes these decisions difficult, but essentially we are answering yes or no.

For example:

"Can I take you out some time?"
"Do you want to do this again some time?"
"Do you have feelings for them?"
"Do you want to keep hanging out?"
"Do you want to make this thing official?"
"Do you love them?"
"Do they make you happy?"
"Do you guys collaborate and compromise?"
"Do you trust each other?"
"Can you keep going like this?"
"Is there a future here?"

All yes or no questions.

Now don't get me wrong you have to ask a lot of questions in your own little head when you're in a relationship- and you're human, Sometimes you are going to answer wrong, but that's okay because relationships aren't a test and you can change your mind. If your answer to the questions "do they make you happy?" was yes but changes over time, you are going to have reasons for that- changing your mind is okay.

Here's the catch though: we can't control how other people are answering their questions. If you ask someone in a relationship "are they the one?" sometimes for each person in a relationship there is a different answer. For the most part, there is not a lot you can do about other people's decision making. You can't change a person, you can't decide their answers for them and you can't live your life or base your relationship based upon someone else's decisions. You do you, they can make their own minds up and if the answer to "are we on the same page?" is "yes" then go for it, knock yourself out.

So if it's rough and you're second guessing a situation or a person, break it down because essentially answering yes or no will clarify in your own mind whether you are happy where you are. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be. If there are a lot of factors in your relationship start with the basics yes or no and keep adding factors with yes or no answers.
"Do I like this guy?" Yes.
"It's my best friends ex, does this make me a bad person?" Yes.
"Should I talk to her first?" Yes.
Work through, add factors, do not overcomplicate.

In the end you know in your own heart what you want in a relationship, you know what and who is going to make you happy. You know the people who are bad for you and equally you know the people who are good for you, the ones that pick you up when you're down, make you feel better, motivate and inspire you- and you need to break it down and keep them close.

So the way I see it: you can't control everything, but don't spoil the beautiful simplicity of the things you can, that's the way I see relationships anyway.

If this helps any of you at all, or you just want to leave a comment and say your piece I'd love to hear from you! Just drop a comment in the box below:)

X

22.48: Sharing Tonights Thoughts With My Best Friend.

I was on the bus home and I was kind of zoned out and I was thinking I am so blessed like whether you relieve in the god thing or not 

I feel lucky at least because 

I have it pretty good right, and I don't realise it 98% of the time 

I procrastinated away 4 periods, got home and managed to do some work 

I only did that because I was around people who I love and who entertain me endlessly, I have a lovely boyfriend, my brother is acting like a decent human being and my mother is awesome (albeit mildly insane) and however much she drives me insane I love the woman?

And I'm all sat in a cosy little bed (and I've just ordered a bed that looks a bit princessy and I'm excited)

Life is good and sometimes I miss it and it scares me that I don't notice all the amazing stuff I have

because one day it'll be gone, and that could be in 30 days or 30 years or maybe I'll live till 200 

but it doesn't last forever and I neglect noticing beautiful things and people because I'm so focused on the next stage

so focused on moving along and ticking off my lists of things to do that whenever I pass brought stages of really ignorant and blissful time I'm "too busy" or "too tired" to hang out and laugh and sit and watch 5 episodes of the newsroom with my mum on a Tuesday

what I'm getting at is the little stuff matters to me a whole lot more than I realised

I'm having one of those cheesy clarity moments

that's all, felt I had to share today's thoughts

Positive Energy.

Okay, so here's what I think.
In this life you put out an energy.

You know sometimes you meet someone and they're eccentric and funny, they have a charisma and a charm that makes them attractive to be around? I'm not talking attracting you to them in a relationship way, I'm talking you are attracted to their energy: their enthusiasm, their manners, their stance on certain issues, the way they hold and present themselves, what they have to say about things in life that matter- a person's drive or focus. All that kind of stuff that keeps you interested in a person, keeps you engaged in what they're doing and have to say- you leave a conversation with them inspired or driven, happy, or even feeling a little lighter.

Chat's with people who put out good energy and invaluable. Some people have a gift, in that their innate drive and avidity for something allows them to convert other people's energy into something good and positive. People like that are gems in the world that we live in: in a state of gossip and controversy, bitching and a little craziness, it is so completely refreshing to meet people like with positive energy.

Sometimes it happens that when the right combination of people get together they bounce off each other- musically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually. It is not always in a good way, for example: you can be with a group of  really gossipy friends who sit and steam over the latest scandal at school and leave conversations with them negative, bitchy and a little whiny, thinking over the issues in life and picking flaws in your own. But some people are so constructive when they are together.

I am lucky to have a best friend who I can really bounce of positively: even if we meet for coffee down and pissed off and done with the world and the people around us (family, friends, boyfriends, ex-friends, teachers etc) we can still finish that session of coffee laughing hysterically having vented and worked through solutions to all of our issues.

Sometimes you need to vent. Period.
People need an outlet, and often talking to another human being is the perfect way of doing that. You need to put out what you are feeling and work through it, but you do not need to put out negative energy. You can vent your feelings without bringing people down and you can be sad or angry or hurt without having huge and dramatic effect on the people around you.

Be the sort of person who puts out positive energy.
Have a passion for what you do best, work hard, have a drive and focus. Make time for other people, and take an interest in what they have to say to you- LISTEN don't just hear, it makes such a difference and the person you are talking to will feel so much better having spoken to you. Human interaction is deteriorating in an age of a digital world, a lack of bike rides and late night walks, and Snapchat. Listen to people how you would like to be listened to.

If you love something, be a part of it. Embrace what you love, do what you love and practice what you preach.

If you are living a life that you love, chances are it will love you back. Bear that in mind as you go about your day to day. 

To My Best Friend (II).

So, I wrote you like this once before- it was very different and very teary and very very honest, and I felt like after that milestone you would never want to read this little blog of everything ever again! But yet when I force posts and reviews on you, you read them and you humour me and I feel like I can probably force you into reading this one too. I know you hate these kinds of cringey things, but I know you appreciate when things are heartfelt- so I figured I would be a huge melt this evening and write a little something.

We're friends through mutual, muddled, acrylic paint and coursework deadline filled circumstances. Through the eye rolling over that annoying girl at school, through dropping every lame excuse in the book for late homework. A random person who had unknowingly sat on the edge of the others social spheres, who turned out be so frighteningly like each other that we still spook each other to this day,

When I met you I was a very very different person and you were too- we made questionable fashion and lifestyle choices, we consumed at least 4 times our daily calorie intake on a weekly basis, and once we got talking people found it very difficult to shut us up. (As they still very often do today.)

Since then there's been a billion coffee dates, Snapchats, Facebook messages. One prom, so many envied profile pictures, a few drunken nights of hilarity and one New Years that neither of us ever want recreated. There's been obscure conversations until early hours of the morning, frantic phone calls, and crisis after crisis.

There was a crazy Halloween, and flapper dresses- that cheeky almost foursome that we stayed well clear of.

There's been friends who turned out not be such great friends, and boys who turned out to be just as stupid as we thought. There have been eventful mornings where the pink shirt makes an appearance- and there was also that time all the lads wore suits. (Class. An absolute class day.)

There was that time we went to Wagamamas and had to walk to the station in the pouring rain with Ollie, who was only wearing a jumper, and laughed ourselves stupid. ( I never will remember what we found so hilarious.)

That time we breathed the same air as Cal, Ash, Mikey and Luke, and we screamed until our throats hurt, and we walked down Camden in search of a Starbucks FOR A STRAIGHT HOUR BECAUSE WE ARE THE DEFINITION OF WHITE GIRLS.

There was that time you were hungover, and we sat on the kitchen floor and I made you toast- we talked about the people we love (and hate) and about stresses and confusion and about how we actually felt about a moron, and I ignored the bitter things in my head and we laughed about silly things and then got back under our duvets because it was 5 am and we were out of it.

There was that time at Ollie's house when everyone ended up attacking each other with wet dishcloths and we had to tidy before his parents got home. We were breathless and hysterical and we had to watch a weird movie with wet t shirts whilst Ollie muttered the entire script.

That time with Kathleen in muffin break when we went for a random coffee.

That really cute lad in the year below, and how much we giggle to be annoying.

There was one session of messages about feeling guilty because the only remotely negative thing we had ever felt towards each other was jealousy. I will never forget that conversation because no one had ever told me something like that before, and I had never said something like that before either.

There's been dates and crushes and morons at school. Teachers that could only be the devils spawn and a few essay related panic attacks. There's been much needed catch ups involving impromptu trips to my house those times when you forgot your keys and we sat and stalked social networks, listened to old songs and went through endless OTP's on Tumblr.

There has of course been youtubers, a day watching Pretty Woman in duvets with all the unhelathy food I could find at Sainsbury's (one of my favourite days). There's been Brighton, and Nandos, and Nero's on a weekly basis- and I think I'm safe to say I have laughed more in your presence than any other human I know.

You have stuck with me, even though I am probably a hugely demanding person- even though I'm clingy and dramatic, and kind of mad. I think it's because secretly you're nuts too and when we're happy and nuts we seem to bounce off each other. Maybe it's because we only have like 4 people we like and 1/4 of them are each other, maybe because we hate the same people- maybe because we can Snapchat serenade each other without fear of humiliation or screenshots.

Whatever we've managed to do since we've known each other we seem to have ended up together trying to work out the utter madness of our very teenage lives, so thank you. Thank you for all the above and more, because I probably couldn't put down the amount of things you've helped me through, laughed with me about, cried a little over, eaten too much of...

So I guess thank you for everything Chummy

x

10 Reasons Why Autumn is Awesome.

1. Hot drinks.

Lo and behold children for it is the season of the pumpkin spice and gingerbread latte. Starbucks will be filled with us "white girls" kitted out in our oversized knits and Instagramming our little mugs and cups of joy. If nothing else, these gorgeous smelling, heart-warming treats are just some of the beautiful winter drinks we can start drinking now that autumn is in full swing.

So if you're feeling a little chilly, a little sad or low- get your ass into your kitchen and makes up some hot chocolate! Sugar boost, warm up and general joy will ensue. Make it as basic or fancy as you want- add that whipped cream, those flavour shots (my personal favourite is hazelnut- lord knows hazelnut hot chocolate is a whole new hot drinks ball game), shake on some sprinkles and shake of your chilly winter blues!


2. Leaves.

This is a simple little joy that not everyone will get, but is in my humble opinion, one of the best things about the seasons changing. The leaves go from a deep green to crispy reds and browns and golds. I live out in the countryside so I get to witness this all on a pretty big scale, driving down badly laid roads and avoiding tractors and their hay bales- some of you may live in cities. But here's the thing, you can still enjoy this little phenomenon in parks or on the street. It's simple, it's silly but I think it's beautiful.

3. Movies.

Cold weather = movie day excuse.

Get your besties, popcorn and duvets- Netflix it out or whack on a DVD (or VCR, it's your life) and enjoy a day of relaxation.


4. Candles.

My personal favourites at the moment are my classic Yankee Candle, and a brand call Lily-Flame that do the most delicious and unusual scented candles ever.

Really, look into them, they make me look forward to my evenings.


5. Fall fashion.


Cool bright mornings that give you an excuse to wrap up warm are my favourite.
The boots come out and you feel sassy and sophisticated, the big chunky cardigans,and ugly sweaters from the 80s, the big cosy snoods...

and the boys start wearing their beanies and THAT IS ALWAYS A GOOD THING.
And they wear long sleeve t shirts and then have to roll their sleeves when they get warm and forearms and.... IT'S JUST A GOOD SEASON FOR MENSWEAR. OKAY?







6. Halloween.

Nothing more to be said.

7. Fireworks.

Hot foot, cold feet, lights and colours in the sky that little kids stare at like it's magic. The bonfires and the friends, the slightly damp socks and misty breath.
It's like magic.

8. Christmas party dresses and general increase in sparkles.

Everything is in sequins, and metallic prints, and its bright and bold and theres jewellery and big earring everywhere. So have a look about at this seasons party frocks, H&M ad New Look have a whole range of cute little numbers to suit everyone's needs. It's brilliant.
It sparkles.



9. Christmas build up.

• Present displays.
• Christmas foods.
• Fairy lights.
• Trees.
• The Coke advert.
• The Christmas movies.

10. Reminiscing.

• It's getting to the end of the year.
• Get those bucket list things done.
• Kiss that boy. (Or girl)
• Get those last few pounds off.
• Think about the good.
• Think about the bad.
• Start making those New Years plans!

New Years is my favourite night, it's magic, it's fun and drunken, and it's always got it's ups and downs.

I love you.

It's come to my attention recently, that life is short.

One day we are going to die, whether we're 90 or 19- one day our lives will end, and all that will be left of us will be what we did and the people we loved and those who loved us, and that will be our legacy. That's how I feel about it anyway.

The reason for this strangely morbid way of thinking, is the result of being very very near a fatal car crash a few weeks ago, and having a good friends family member witnessing it first hand. There was an awful incident where a 15 year old on her bike was hit by a car going 60. She died upon impact. The driver was seriously injured as they have swerved trying to miss the girl and crashed into the trees that line the road. A close friends mother was in the car behind, and was the person who got out called the ambulance and watched while this girl was tucked away, because 7 minutes was too late to save her. It shook her family up, and made them think about their priorities- that night they had a big family dinner, and sat around actually talking to each other, sitting on sofas and looking at old photos. It was an event that really put things into perspective.

So here's my thing, if life is short- why don't we say how we feel? Why don't we tell that smug bitch she isn't actually God's gift, tell that teacher that he's being a rude ass hoe, tell that boy we've been crushing on we think he's cute, telling the people who really matter in our lives that we love them?

So this morning, my mum woke me up late to let me sleep, made me coffee and left things for cooked breakfast on the kitchen counter- it's stuff like that I love. It's little treats from Body Shop that sometimes surprise me when I get home from school, it's buying my favourite conditioner, or making loads of great food on really cold days. I love my mum, and I'm a melt about it, and we probably have far too co-dependant a relationship, but she's always been the only consistent thing in my life. Now sure we argue, and we argue a lot, and rarely it can be a huge fight (rarely, but it's a fairly gigantic affair when it does happen)- but I love her, and she loves me.

After a rough time at home over the last couple of months, we sat down and decided enough was enough, we all needed to change our attitudes towards each other in order to make our home environment a lot better. One of the things we started was hugging goodbye and saying goodbye properly when we left for school or work in the morning. Because you shouldn't leave the people you love angry, or alone- because honestly you don't know if there's going to be a car crash, or a fire, or some huge tragedy that's going to leave you in a situation where you don't know if they're okay. All you will know is the last thing you did with that person was fight, or you blanked them, or snapped at them or yelled at them. How awful would you feel if after that fight you hear about an accident and all of a sudden that person that you love isn't picking up the phone? Replying to their texts, and nobody has heard from them?

Time is short, people!

Those people that you truly love and who truly love you should be told as often as you can. You need to make the people that matter aware that they are important.

I have issues the phrase "I love you." I think it is overused, and that as a society we have become desensitized to what it actually means. I think hormonal teenage boys ruin it by telling a girl they love them on the second date, or to get in their pants. I think teenage girls ruin it because they put it on every single Instagram post with "bae" and tell them over and over and over.
But sometimes it's sincere, sometimes people need you to call them up in the middle of the night to see how they are and to inform them that you love them, that you appreciate them, that you care about them.

Telling your Mum thank you and I love you for the coffee ad breakfast on a lazy Sunday will be something she feels happy about. Telling your boyfriend or girlfriend I love you for the first time changes everything, and it can be so beautiful to be able to admit the extent of how you feel to someone, it can be liberating.

You don't have to say it if like me, sometimes you're cynical and treat it as a tired cliché. You can make your mum tea in the morning, cut someone's sandwiches into cute shapes, leave your friends stupidly long emoji filled messages that basically say "have a good day"- like for God's sake, hold that persons hand in public, kiss them on the cheek even when you're with your friends so they know you're proud to be with them. Listen to that awful track your crazy friend loves and tell them gently that they're crazy and to each their own. Leave dumb notes, make phone calls instead of texts, and try with all your might not to fall asleep hurting, yourself or anyone else.

Go to bed knowing you put out positive energy into the universe that day. 

Regardless of what I believe about God or religion or any of that, I maintain the belief in karma, and that the universe rewards you for what you do or don't give in life.

So say it or show it in some way, but our time on this earth is short, and one day all that will be left are the people that mattered, and the memories you made- in time most of us will be forgotten in the world but not in the hearts of the people that cared, so tell them you love them.

A Little Relationship Advice.

It took me while to decide whether I wanted to post anything even remotely related to relationships and love and boys and crush's all that sexy stuff.

For a long time I felt like topics like this have a tendency to get really preachy and cringey, people get wrapped up telling their relationship stories and won't top going on about how good their techniques in relationships are. In a lot of ways I didn't want to be judged for writing about that kind of personal stuff, and the topic is kind of taboo because it's almost "too girly".

But to be honest, I want to discuss relationships and boys and crush's, because I don't feel like this kind of stuff does get discussed much. Relationships are a learning curve, no one can tell you exactly how to do it- but now and then a little advice can really help you sort through the madness.
So here we are lovelies, a little advice I have accumulated in my short time on this little blue planet.

1. Your head and your heart will tell you different things, know when to listen to each of them. Often people get to carried away too quickly in relationships. Falling too hard and too fast for someone is a very risky business because you don't know if that person is always going to be there to catch you. As much as taking things fast is a rush, if you're not falling for someone reliable- chances are you could hit the ground pretty hard.
Top falling analogies for you.
(I am not going to apologise even a tiny little bit for the Austin and Vanessa photos.)

2. Keep your wits about you.
Sometimes you think you're falling for someone perfect, and they're cute and funny and sweet and make you feel special- but it's sad, and it hurts to hear it, but sometimes people are not all they seem. That cute boy from history could be texting you all these sweet things, but if he avoids your looks in school, and won't talk to you in front of his friends or other girls- consider who else experienced the same late night conversations. Not everyone in this world is nice my lovelies, it's cynical but it's a good lesson to bear in mind.
At the same time don't be super paranoid about boys, they're not all bad as much as the boys in your town may be utterly crappy. There's always going to be a gem somewhere in there- have a little faith.

3. "I love you" is like virginity, you only get one first time so make it count.
I personally have a very hard time with the whole saying "I love you" thing. Some people say it more easily than others, just with me I feel once you say you have to mean it and commit to it- so it's not a phrase I tend to throw around when it comes to boys.
With the phrase there is no set time frame around which you need to say it- if you feel it, and you think the person your with feels the same, tell them. You can be in a relationship for a year and not feel love, and be with someone else and feel love in just a month- it sounds crazy but it does happen.
As much as that is true, don't mistake intense affection for love. Affection can eb and flow depending on where you are in your life and the person you're with. If you've spent an afternoon in bed with your significant other (god that's a great phrase) and you've spent the time cuddled all close and making out and giggling then DUH you're going to feel really affectionate towards them. That warm fuzzy glow is going to be there because you're happy and comfortable and calm- so you could tell them you love them when in fact you love the situation you're in. (Just give it some thought)
Of course you can tell someone right then if you're sure that feeling isn't going to fade after they head home, but if it's 3am after a crisis and they're stressed and you're stressed and the world is cold and crappy, and you still have that same warm fuzzy glow- honey, it's more than likely love. So tell them.

4. Boys are basic. Especially teenage ones.
I hate to tell you lovelies, but it's true. Teenage boys have 3 great loves: food, sex and then one other thing depending on their style. For hipsters: food, sex, instagram. Jocks: food, sex, football/ basketball/ rugby. The skate boys: food, sex, boards and vans. The list continues. So put the necessary love in the gap:
Boys love food, sex and ..................

It doesn't matter how nice or innocent or sweet your guy is, he will want sex- fact. It's hard-wired into our genetics to want it, as humans it is actually a basic need. This is not a bad need in moderation (ooh cheeky) but is something as girls dealing with boys, that we need to accept and be able to deal with. Usually this is fairly simple: yes or no questions, and if the guy is an utter fucking tool, a kick to the genitals for good measure. (not saying all boys, don't hate me I'm generalizing to put forward a point worth considering as a young female).

Boys love food. Teenage boys burn a billion more calories than they should, due to metabolism they have been gifted with during puberty. They love to eat purely because they can.
Do with that information what you will, but my Nana always did say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

5. Forgive and forget.
People make mistakes, you will mess up too. If they're truly sorry and want to make amends, let them show you. Also, sometimes you need to forgive people not because they deserve it, but because you deserve to be at peace.
That is all.

6. Cut lose those who bring you down
Toxic relationships will damage you more than you now, limit the damage and keep yourself healthy and happy. People forget your happiness is part of your health, cut lose people who are unhealthy to be around for whatever reason.

7. Call them out on the bullshit
They should do the same for you.

8. Your friends are almost always right
Your best friends will know you best, they know what is good for you 9 times out of 10. Occasionally they will get it wrong, but really think about what your friends are saying if they hate the person you're with- just think about it kids.

9. Manipulation- bad. Keep your cards on the table and I promise you will enjoy it so much more.
Lying, cheating, half truths bullshit- no stop. You don't do it, they don't do it and I promise you will be happy. Be open, talk, discuss, argue a little (not too much).

10. If it's not lifting you up and is a constant panic in your world it's not working.
A relationship with someone is meant to be adding something to your life not taking anything away. Although relationships are about compromise and collaboration, they should not drain you completely. It's a little give and take but if you're doing all the giving, and hurting because someone else is using up all of you- it's not worth it. It is not working if your setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, that's just fact.

(If they make you feel like this...)

(And deal with your crazy... then he's a keeper.)

And there we have it my little angels, my list of 10 things that I've found make navigating all this boys and relationships malarkey a little easier. If you disagree or want to add anything or ask any questions let me know in the comments I'd love to hear from y'all- but thee we are!

I hope some of this helps a little with managing life, have a lovely day darlings xxx

Chapters.

Hello there lovelies!

So, lately things got a little bit wild in my little life and my blog posts were to say the least- pretty sad. After a very busy year I had a lot of time to myself this summer to consider life and to slow down and process things. This year was one that has definitely changed me forever, and I don't think I will ever be the same again. The people I've met, the experiences I've had, have all shaped me. This year I found out so much more about what it is to be me. I am comfortable with me, I am not ashamed of my likes and dislikes, and I let people take me as I am- and in that way this year has been one of the best years of my life. It's been a crazy roller-coaster but in complete and total honesty I would not change it for the world.

I deleted a post that I wrote earlier this week, because in essence it was a conversation that I should have had with my best friend. It was a post for her and a little for me to get myself together and process. I deleted the post because I didn't need it any more. And because now I'm closing that chapter.

So this is it, this blog post marks the closing of an old chapter and the starting of a new one. 

And I think this little mantra stolen from Tumblr was a good way to kick off this new beginning.

I've been thinking a lot about new beginnings lately. I recently moved house, so that's a new start in itself. I am starting a new school year, and many other new adventures. It's crazy to comprehend that you can change your life any time you want to these days. You could completely change your routine- you could buy an one way ticket somewhere, stop eating meat, dress exclusively in blue, start belly dancing, write a book, make a new friend, see a new place- we sit there in our comfort zone and our little box what is normal and routine, when if you look at your life, you don't actually have to.

We can change our lives right this second if we really wanted to.

We don't have to wait for a date or time too.

This second, this moment right here could the the instant you decide to change your life. You don't have to wait for a new year, a new week- your life doesn't start on a Monday morning at 6.30am. If you wanted to change your life at half past one on a Sunday afternoon, or 3am on a Tuesday morning you can do that. I mean, really think about the things that are holding you back- are they really restricting you as much as you think? Or in actuality- those walls and boundaries and restrictions in your hear, are you building them up yourself?

So here we go: this is a new start right here. And here's what that new start entails:

• This blog will only have positive posts on it, and I'm not sorry at all. People underestimate how powerful spreading love and happiness and positive energy is, you can change someone's whole day if they read something that's going to encourage them and make them smile and give them a little push.
• Kick ass every day in one way or another.
• Wake up and achieve at least 3 goals every day.
• No leaving the hard stuff till last.
• Eliminate all negativity in your daily routine- if that's a bitching session with your friends that leaves you angry at the world, change it up- make the outcome of that conversation positive. By all means vent, but make sure that it leads somewhere, make sure you can move forward from it, trust me it makes you feel so much better.
• Keep your friends and family close, do not push the ones you love away- they will keep you stable, they will keep you grounded, and somewhat help with your sanity.
• Be honest always, if someone asks you something important, personal- be real with them. Being real is the most important thing in my life, and I gravitate towards people who are comfortable and real about themselves. I like honest people, I like up front people, people who don't talk shit or lie, and those are the kinds of people I aspire to be.

So here it is. My new start, my plan to seize the day and make a change- because you are the only person who can change your life to be what you want.

Peace and love and all that corny stuff.

Have a great day lovelies xxx

The Importance of an Inspiration: My Mum

Everyone has people they look up to for different reasons. There are the greats: Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mohammad Ali- and the recently passed Nelson Mandela. Figures of greatness and strength, people who gave others hope, a voice. People like that gave people their whole lives, created a place where people could really live and not just be alive. Victoria's Secret models are, in the minds of many young girls, the pinnacle of beauty and fitness- so are an inspiration to them. Politicians inspire thousands of people in life to strive to make a change in the world, like Obama. Some people are inspired by successful people, celebrities, fashion designers, the rich, the famous- But (and wait for the cringe) my mum has to be one of the most inspirational people in my life. 

Recently a wonderful lady who I knew died fighting cancer.Cancer is an awful thing to happen to any family, and the effects of it are honestly devastating. She had 3 kids. All 3 were left without either parent to try and put together their lives, while there was a hole in their hearts where she should have been. I cannot even begin to imagine how much strength it takes for those three to carry on in their lives with neither parent to guide them, and the loss of their mother staying with them. It really made me think about how much my mum means to me and does for me in my life. The woman is irreplaceable. 

So, this post is dedicated to my Mumma.
What a cringe, what a mummy's girl- I know what you're thinking, how cliche, of course she loves her mum. Yes of course my mum, but like every other person in the world I forget about her and take her for granted. I forget that just because she's a mum she does not have everything together. She does not necessarily know what to do, she will make mistakes, she gets mad, she can lose it sometimes. The fact that you love your mum does not make up for taking her for granted, being rude or disrespectful. I can understand for people who have a rocky relationship with their parents how frustrating people like me must be... but honestly in most cases, our mother tried their hardest to make everything good for us. Generally they want the best for us, they want us to succeed, be happy in our lives. So assuming they know you love them too is not a good thing. Mother's invest so much into their kids, whether it is wanted or not. Think about everything your mum does for you... all of us are at least a little spoilt by our Mumma's.

Now don't get me wrong, there are times I want to yell and scream and fight with her about something, because the woman can nag, and she can be a little harsh with her judgement  or I wont like the tone she's taking with me, or she'll stress me out too much over things- we are not perfect people. We're as bad as each other when it comes to our tempers, but we love each other ridiculous amounts as well. Affection and love is something I was lucky enough to always have plenty of as a child, almost too much. My mum tried to shield me from a lot of things in life, keep us all safe and happy- I always knew I was loved.

That's why I can never really fight with the woman, because one of us will be wrong- and because we love each other the one who is wrong will admit it, we work on it and we move on. She will never hold a grudge, she just let's go and we learn and move forward. Even if I made a terrible mistake and screwed things up she'll sit through it with me, ask me what I learned from it and we move forward.

Her patience with me is second to none, she knows when to let me have my space and work things out but she also knows when to talk to me. She knows when she needs to push me, if I'm slacking- because she expects me to try my best. My mum is a wonderful, beautiful, strong woman, and I appreciate her immensely because without her I don't know what I would do. She inspires me to work hard, because that's how she got where she is today. She inspires me to be patient and loving with everyone. She taught me how to be strong and to stand up for myself, and that the only person I should rely to get me places is myself. 

She is a wonderful beautiful woman and I really couldn't do without her, so she deserves a little help around the house. She needs a few things done when she gets home from work. Family time is important to her and I should try to be enthusiastic about it. I should let her embarrass me sometimes- it keeps her young. Because I couldn't be without her, she is honestly a true inspiration to me with whatever direction I take in my life.

Love you Mumma. 

Feel how you feel.

Alrighty kids, so we all know what its like when you have a period time where it feel like you cannot get it together no matter what. It's like everything is messing up at the same time: your friends are falling out, you feel like you're fat, your family life is draining, work or school is just overwhelming you completely- and life just generally sucks. You feel like you want to sleep through the day and just hide away from all your problems and issues. It happens to every person in the world, you are not alone in those awful days or even weeks where you just feel like nothing is working out for you- it happens.

One thing that's always worked for me on days or weeks or just periods of time like that, on an emotional level, is music. Here's the thing though, I think music is a great escape, a really powerful way of feeling however you feel. Whenever I've had one of those totally emotionally draining days and you just want to be sad or alone or angry, I always end up playing the sad songs on my iPod, and I get lost in it. Sometimes people just need to accept and feel how they feel about things. Even if you're sad or mad about something so trivial and stupid, sometimes it's the small things that build up and get to you- human beings are not designed to bottle up emotions. To quote the literary love of my life John Green's, The Fault in Our Stars: "That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt" The truest statement of all, sometimes you just need to feel and express how you feel. Sad, loud, angry, resentful, beautiful, heartbreaking music is such a good way to "feel how you feel". Someone has put what you're feeling into words and are singing it with all their force- music is an amazing release in that way.

Personally I play the sad tracks first, then the angry ones- then it kind of mellows out while I sit and process and listen and think through whatever it was that was making me feel bad. Then usually I end up listening to Beyonce sing Resentment ( *cough* link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1aWqEa3Ce8 *cough*) and I get all sassy and cool off- then I look in the mirror take a breath (and usually a shower to wash away all the negativity) and I get on, because you cant run away from your responsibilities or your issues for too long.

If it's not music then use art, or singing or shouting, running, dancing, walking or writing- try blogging, it's one of the most therapeutic things I've ever done.
People need an outlet, so find yours. You need to feel how you need to feel sometimes. Feel sad, feel angry or hurt that's fine- even if it's pointless, you deserve to feel how you feel.
But after time you need to stop, progress and move on, because in life you have to let go sometimes.

Winter Lip Products.

It's happening you guys, the winter is coming.

I know this because I have seen the Coke advert, the Christmas light's in my time have come on, and my Grandma has started knitting all her grandchildren jumpers. I know this because I can see my breathe in the air at the bus stop, and I can FEEL MY LIPS HATING ME.Winter has many beautiful perks, however its's effect on your lips are not one of them.
Being one of large lips I have a lot of surface area that can get cracked and dry and generally not very nice, so it's a yearly struggle for me to keep my lips smooth and pouty (All ready for mistletoe etc obviously...) So obviously I had to check out what lip products ACTUALLY work for this year and my loves I have my list of Top 5 Winter Lips Products!

3. Maybelline Baby Lips

These cute and colourful little chap stick type products from Maybelline are pretty fabulous. With a range of different colours and flavours to match your preference these little cuties are good for a quick top up when out in the cold. I used the yellow intensive care and the blue hydration lip balms, and I really did like them. You can wear a layer of lipstick or just on their own. They all smell fantastic and are a wonderful little addition to your makeup bag or just in your back pocket. Although these are a lovely little product I don't feel like they can save your lips once they're chapped. They are a great prevention for chapped lips, but if you're already trying to fix severe damage to your lips I'm afraid these are not the product for you. They are fabulous products, lovely smelling, cute size, beautifully packaged and a good buy. You can get these little cuties for £2.99 at Boots online.

2. Carmex Lip Balm Tube

Now I won't lie- I did think this little tube of wonder was glue at first glance, but don't be deceived  these little wonder tubes are a fabulous little addition to your winter beauty routine. The tub is a lot like lip gloss and makes your lips tingle a little when you apply- but CAN ACTUALLY FIX ALREADY CHAPPED LIPS.
I know, calm down guys, it's cool. Carmex basically saved my chapped little lips after a week of just licking my lips in the cold and letting them get more and more chapped. At boots they come in little pots and sticks with similar formulas but my favourite Carmex product has to be the tube version. In strawberry, cherry, mint, and just its origional scents the smell could be a little much for some but personally I love it, a fabulous and STRONG little product available for £2.99 on Boots online.

1. Palmer Cocoa Butter Lip Balm.

Here it is you guys, my number one beauty must have for winter lips. Palmers is a brand I am going to be raving about I think because I adore it. I LOVE cocoa anything, being a self confessed chocaholic anything that smells as good as a hot chocolate is pretty good in my books. Palmers Lip Balm smells AMAZING, and it actually works. The Ultra Moisturizing Lip balm lasted me absolutely ages and after my very first application started making my lips feel softer and less chapped. I love this product and it'a simplicity: smells good, does good. My lips feel soft and smooth every time I use it and it's only £1.89 on Boots online. Palmers also do a lip gloss type version of the product that I'm also mad about for, which is £2.75 in Superdrug- let me tell you, your lips will smell so good you'll just want to keep applying it just for the smell.

Happiness Is a Choice

Okay, firstly I'm gonna start by saying that this post does not apply to people who have depression. For some people being happy really is a struggle, and depression is not just a state of mind but also can be a mental illness. Now and then some people do just mope around and feel a little sorry for themselves- but someone who has depression is not just someone you can pull out of their house to go see a cheesy movie, eat some sugary foods and cheer up in a couple of hours. Sometimes it's a struggle, and people need help and support and time and medical care, and that is something fundamental we all need to understand and appreciate in this day and age.

BUT

Then there are those of us who do not suffer from any such illness.
Lately in life there's been a lot of confusion, a lot of fighting and a lot of negativity around. It's easy for every little things to start building up, and suddenly without you realizing you have a mountain of problems. Things in your house stop working, random expenses, fighting with your friends, self confidence issues- it's something that everyone goes through.
Lately all those little things have been really overwhelming, and negative thoughts have been consuming every part of my day and making it really hard to focus and appreciate things in daily life that would usually make me smile. It weighs me down and makes me feel worse and worse, to the point I'm so frustrated I want to just stay in bed, not deal with my problems, or cry or just blame someone else... we all do it.

But today I came to the realization that happiness is a choice.
How? Well, the honest and cheesy answer is 80's movies. Truth. One morning last weekend after a mountain of homework and feeling tired, and fat, and ugly and upset about my workload from school, and worried about relationships with friends, and worries I was boring my boyfriend and pissing off my family- I found a movie: Steel Magnolias.
I watched that movie for the first time since I was 13 and cried, as always, like a baby at the end. (If you watch that movie and you're not an emotional wreck by the end of that movie, you must have nerves of steel.) People often get caught up in their lives, their little problems and cliques and families and friends- and the baggage and issues that come with it. Steel Magnolias puts things into perspective for me, I know it's old and cheesy and cute, and I am fully aware it's fictional- but watching it through by yourself on a Sunday where everything feels blue, it all feels very real- and it makes quite the impact.
I recommend that every person should watch that movie at least once in their lives, and to let themselves cry and think about it and feel for the characters- it's good for human beings to feel something sometimes. Julia Roberts, Sally Field and Dolly Parton are perfection in the movie- and if you like a good 80s movie, it's perfection.

The main thing abut happiness that I took away from the movie?
Life's too short. It's an overused and cliche line, but it's the truest thing I ever heard. Life is too short to obsess over the little things. It's too damn short to flip through those glossy magazines looking at women who spend 50% of their time with their personal trainers, 20% with their stylists and 10% with their fabulous husbands and 20% at red carpet events and photo shoots. There is MORE TO LIFE THAN BEING A SIZE 2. And you as a person deserve to live a little.
There is also more to life than obsessing over that one little thing your friend said to you that bothered you so much. You cannot waste time just hurting and feeling sorry for yourself when you could be sorting it out, talking to your friend and fixing what's broken.
It's too short to worry and over think every decision you make in your life. Some people in life will live life, others will just worry their way through it.

Be happy!
Love your family, care about your friends, be crazy and weird, wear those too bright shoes, but do it all and look out on things positively. Positivity changes your whole life, your whole outlook.
It'll reduce your wrinkles, make your skin better, help you live longer- it is your choice to seize the day, love life, do something that you love!

You can just sit there and mope around and be sad and depressed- okay sometimes we need that, self pity and high calorie foods and crying. But after a while, you need to pick yourself up, wash your face, have a shower, sing a song really loud, and go do something with your day! You are the only person who can choose to be happy, because that's what happiness is- a choice. So choose it.