Relationships: A Game of Yes/ No

Okay, so the way I understand it- relationships are simple.
That is not me saying that relationships are in any way easy, but they are simple. We seem to make relationships really hard, we overcomplicate something that could be so simple to move through and develop.

Here's how I see it: relationships are a series of yes/ no questions. The questions are easy, people are difficult, Inner conflict, moral boundaries, effects on others, that's what makes these decisions difficult, but essentially we are answering yes or no.

For example:

"Can I take you out some time?"
"Do you want to do this again some time?"
"Do you have feelings for them?"
"Do you want to keep hanging out?"
"Do you want to make this thing official?"
"Do you love them?"
"Do they make you happy?"
"Do you guys collaborate and compromise?"
"Do you trust each other?"
"Can you keep going like this?"
"Is there a future here?"

All yes or no questions.

Now don't get me wrong you have to ask a lot of questions in your own little head when you're in a relationship- and you're human, Sometimes you are going to answer wrong, but that's okay because relationships aren't a test and you can change your mind. If your answer to the questions "do they make you happy?" was yes but changes over time, you are going to have reasons for that- changing your mind is okay.

Here's the catch though: we can't control how other people are answering their questions. If you ask someone in a relationship "are they the one?" sometimes for each person in a relationship there is a different answer. For the most part, there is not a lot you can do about other people's decision making. You can't change a person, you can't decide their answers for them and you can't live your life or base your relationship based upon someone else's decisions. You do you, they can make their own minds up and if the answer to "are we on the same page?" is "yes" then go for it, knock yourself out.

So if it's rough and you're second guessing a situation or a person, break it down because essentially answering yes or no will clarify in your own mind whether you are happy where you are. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be. If there are a lot of factors in your relationship start with the basics yes or no and keep adding factors with yes or no answers.
"Do I like this guy?" Yes.
"It's my best friends ex, does this make me a bad person?" Yes.
"Should I talk to her first?" Yes.
Work through, add factors, do not overcomplicate.

In the end you know in your own heart what you want in a relationship, you know what and who is going to make you happy. You know the people who are bad for you and equally you know the people who are good for you, the ones that pick you up when you're down, make you feel better, motivate and inspire you- and you need to break it down and keep them close.

So the way I see it: you can't control everything, but don't spoil the beautiful simplicity of the things you can, that's the way I see relationships anyway.

If this helps any of you at all, or you just want to leave a comment and say your piece I'd love to hear from you! Just drop a comment in the box below:)

X

December Favourites: What's In My Bag.

It's winter time! And I thought I'd share with you lovely people a few items in my tiny little bag.
Enjoy!

1. Chunky Accessorize scarf.

I bought this chunky piece of knitted goodness last year as a Christmas present to myself, it was a premeditate buy and one that I am so glad I went for! The scarf is a big snood and is 100% wool- I cannot express to you how warm it keeps me. I have to wear it as one big loop when it's even mildly sunny because the thing keeps my neck a little too well insulated at times. I am DEFINITELY the sort of person who feels the cold (I blame my mother for giving me her incredibly poor circulation) and this buy is one of the best I've ever made.

2. Palmer's Cocoa Butter Lip Balm.

Palmer's- I don't know what it is, but they just get it right for me. Being a huge advocate of all their moisturising products, be it butters, oils or any other chocolatey products of joy- their lip products is what got me hooked. I usually go for a tube of their glossy moisturisers but when I grabbed this little gem off the shelf in a Tesco express all in a faff (as per usual) I figured I'd have a regular chap-stick type balm, for ease of access. This one is the chocolate and mint, and lord the smell is honestly gorgeous, but not too overwhelming either.

My lips have been so completely chapped and sore lately (my lip struggles never cease, I won't bore you with the details) and this little lip balm is an absolute saviour. Usually I put some on in the morning as I do my makeup to keep them soft, top up before I rush out into the cold and then also a little at night before I go to sleep so I don't wake up with that awful chapped and mildly pissed off look. (Instead I just stick with the mildly pissed off look.)
Palmer's you're just doing it right. Thank you for gorgeous smelling, beautiful effective products.

3. Sony earphones.

Earphones. Essential for travelling around Kent on poor public transport, especially in the dark and cold, by myself.

My current companions are little pink Sony buds, and I love them very much.

4. Lena Dunham's: Not That Kind Of Girl.

Okay, so this could turn into an entire post fangirling over Lena Dunham: her amazingly successful shows, her acting or writing, her wit, her honesty, her incredible sense of humour, fabulous levels of realism, how she is flawed in such a human way that everyone can relate to the broken pieces of her, her approaches to her own hair (currently luminous and amazing), her outlook on body image- Lena Dunham is someone who has completely enticed me into the arts world she emerged from.

Her book is hilarious and heartbreaking, realistic and outrageous, sincere and obscenely sarcastic- the storiess you will hear will each have an impact on the reader: making them stop to think and consider something: their own outlook on the world, their parents, their childhood fears, a string of ex-boyfriends, being in love, being heartbroken. Lena Dunham is incredible- I bought the book the second it hit the shelves in Waterstones and I keep it in my bag for free periods or coffee's alone, even the bus (despite the fact reading whilst travelling makes me feel gross- that's how much I was committed to reading this book.).

5. Kleenex. (I'm not going to photograph it because y'all know what Kleenex is, don't play.)

It's cold season, embrace the granny attitude of keeping tissues on you. You will thank yourself, I promise.

6. Body Shop Hand Sanitizer.

Again, it's cold season and after feeling like my insides hated me for about 4 days, I am OVER being ill. I am by no means a germ freak BUT I am sick of being ill, painkillers and laying in bed not being able to sleep. So I invested in hand sanitiser- which usually I have issues with because the smell makes me feel like hospitals and waiting rooms (and I don't know about you, but it's not a smell that hugely appeals to me). My personal favourite is Mango Hand Cleanse- but I'm just a mango obsessive so.

7. To Do Book.

I am a very disorganised and easily panicked individual, so I have a to do book. I picked up this teenie little black book for my notes and lists etc from Sainsbury's for literally 99p, and I feel like everyone needs a light little list book full of their to do lists. My essential.

Hope you enjoyed this little insight into what's in my bag! Please feel free to comment below anything you have to say- I'd love to hear from you!

X

22.48: Sharing Tonights Thoughts With My Best Friend.

I was on the bus home and I was kind of zoned out and I was thinking I am so blessed like whether you relieve in the god thing or not 

I feel lucky at least because 

I have it pretty good right, and I don't realise it 98% of the time 

I procrastinated away 4 periods, got home and managed to do some work 

I only did that because I was around people who I love and who entertain me endlessly, I have a lovely boyfriend, my brother is acting like a decent human being and my mother is awesome (albeit mildly insane) and however much she drives me insane I love the woman?

And I'm all sat in a cosy little bed (and I've just ordered a bed that looks a bit princessy and I'm excited)

Life is good and sometimes I miss it and it scares me that I don't notice all the amazing stuff I have

because one day it'll be gone, and that could be in 30 days or 30 years or maybe I'll live till 200 

but it doesn't last forever and I neglect noticing beautiful things and people because I'm so focused on the next stage

so focused on moving along and ticking off my lists of things to do that whenever I pass brought stages of really ignorant and blissful time I'm "too busy" or "too tired" to hang out and laugh and sit and watch 5 episodes of the newsroom with my mum on a Tuesday

what I'm getting at is the little stuff matters to me a whole lot more than I realised

I'm having one of those cheesy clarity moments

that's all, felt I had to share today's thoughts

Positive Energy.

Okay, so here's what I think.
In this life you put out an energy.

You know sometimes you meet someone and they're eccentric and funny, they have a charisma and a charm that makes them attractive to be around? I'm not talking attracting you to them in a relationship way, I'm talking you are attracted to their energy: their enthusiasm, their manners, their stance on certain issues, the way they hold and present themselves, what they have to say about things in life that matter- a person's drive or focus. All that kind of stuff that keeps you interested in a person, keeps you engaged in what they're doing and have to say- you leave a conversation with them inspired or driven, happy, or even feeling a little lighter.

Chat's with people who put out good energy and invaluable. Some people have a gift, in that their innate drive and avidity for something allows them to convert other people's energy into something good and positive. People like that are gems in the world that we live in: in a state of gossip and controversy, bitching and a little craziness, it is so completely refreshing to meet people like with positive energy.

Sometimes it happens that when the right combination of people get together they bounce off each other- musically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually. It is not always in a good way, for example: you can be with a group of  really gossipy friends who sit and steam over the latest scandal at school and leave conversations with them negative, bitchy and a little whiny, thinking over the issues in life and picking flaws in your own. But some people are so constructive when they are together.

I am lucky to have a best friend who I can really bounce of positively: even if we meet for coffee down and pissed off and done with the world and the people around us (family, friends, boyfriends, ex-friends, teachers etc) we can still finish that session of coffee laughing hysterically having vented and worked through solutions to all of our issues.

Sometimes you need to vent. Period.
People need an outlet, and often talking to another human being is the perfect way of doing that. You need to put out what you are feeling and work through it, but you do not need to put out negative energy. You can vent your feelings without bringing people down and you can be sad or angry or hurt without having huge and dramatic effect on the people around you.

Be the sort of person who puts out positive energy.
Have a passion for what you do best, work hard, have a drive and focus. Make time for other people, and take an interest in what they have to say to you- LISTEN don't just hear, it makes such a difference and the person you are talking to will feel so much better having spoken to you. Human interaction is deteriorating in an age of a digital world, a lack of bike rides and late night walks, and Snapchat. Listen to people how you would like to be listened to.

If you love something, be a part of it. Embrace what you love, do what you love and practice what you preach.

If you are living a life that you love, chances are it will love you back. Bear that in mind as you go about your day to day.