Feel how you feel.

Alrighty kids, so we all know what its like when you have a period time where it feel like you cannot get it together no matter what. It's like everything is messing up at the same time: your friends are falling out, you feel like you're fat, your family life is draining, work or school is just overwhelming you completely- and life just generally sucks. You feel like you want to sleep through the day and just hide away from all your problems and issues. It happens to every person in the world, you are not alone in those awful days or even weeks where you just feel like nothing is working out for you- it happens.

One thing that's always worked for me on days or weeks or just periods of time like that, on an emotional level, is music. Here's the thing though, I think music is a great escape, a really powerful way of feeling however you feel. Whenever I've had one of those totally emotionally draining days and you just want to be sad or alone or angry, I always end up playing the sad songs on my iPod, and I get lost in it. Sometimes people just need to accept and feel how they feel about things. Even if you're sad or mad about something so trivial and stupid, sometimes it's the small things that build up and get to you- human beings are not designed to bottle up emotions. To quote the literary love of my life John Green's, The Fault in Our Stars: "That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt" The truest statement of all, sometimes you just need to feel and express how you feel. Sad, loud, angry, resentful, beautiful, heartbreaking music is such a good way to "feel how you feel". Someone has put what you're feeling into words and are singing it with all their force- music is an amazing release in that way.

Personally I play the sad tracks first, then the angry ones- then it kind of mellows out while I sit and process and listen and think through whatever it was that was making me feel bad. Then usually I end up listening to Beyonce sing Resentment ( *cough* link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1aWqEa3Ce8 *cough*) and I get all sassy and cool off- then I look in the mirror take a breath (and usually a shower to wash away all the negativity) and I get on, because you cant run away from your responsibilities or your issues for too long.

If it's not music then use art, or singing or shouting, running, dancing, walking or writing- try blogging, it's one of the most therapeutic things I've ever done.
People need an outlet, so find yours. You need to feel how you need to feel sometimes. Feel sad, feel angry or hurt that's fine- even if it's pointless, you deserve to feel how you feel.
But after time you need to stop, progress and move on, because in life you have to let go sometimes.

Winter Lip Products.

It's happening you guys, the winter is coming.

I know this because I have seen the Coke advert, the Christmas light's in my time have come on, and my Grandma has started knitting all her grandchildren jumpers. I know this because I can see my breathe in the air at the bus stop, and I can FEEL MY LIPS HATING ME.Winter has many beautiful perks, however its's effect on your lips are not one of them.
Being one of large lips I have a lot of surface area that can get cracked and dry and generally not very nice, so it's a yearly struggle for me to keep my lips smooth and pouty (All ready for mistletoe etc obviously...) So obviously I had to check out what lip products ACTUALLY work for this year and my loves I have my list of Top 5 Winter Lips Products!

3. Maybelline Baby Lips

These cute and colourful little chap stick type products from Maybelline are pretty fabulous. With a range of different colours and flavours to match your preference these little cuties are good for a quick top up when out in the cold. I used the yellow intensive care and the blue hydration lip balms, and I really did like them. You can wear a layer of lipstick or just on their own. They all smell fantastic and are a wonderful little addition to your makeup bag or just in your back pocket. Although these are a lovely little product I don't feel like they can save your lips once they're chapped. They are a great prevention for chapped lips, but if you're already trying to fix severe damage to your lips I'm afraid these are not the product for you. They are fabulous products, lovely smelling, cute size, beautifully packaged and a good buy. You can get these little cuties for £2.99 at Boots online.

2. Carmex Lip Balm Tube

Now I won't lie- I did think this little tube of wonder was glue at first glance, but don't be deceived  these little wonder tubes are a fabulous little addition to your winter beauty routine. The tub is a lot like lip gloss and makes your lips tingle a little when you apply- but CAN ACTUALLY FIX ALREADY CHAPPED LIPS.
I know, calm down guys, it's cool. Carmex basically saved my chapped little lips after a week of just licking my lips in the cold and letting them get more and more chapped. At boots they come in little pots and sticks with similar formulas but my favourite Carmex product has to be the tube version. In strawberry, cherry, mint, and just its origional scents the smell could be a little much for some but personally I love it, a fabulous and STRONG little product available for £2.99 on Boots online.

1. Palmer Cocoa Butter Lip Balm.

Here it is you guys, my number one beauty must have for winter lips. Palmers is a brand I am going to be raving about I think because I adore it. I LOVE cocoa anything, being a self confessed chocaholic anything that smells as good as a hot chocolate is pretty good in my books. Palmers Lip Balm smells AMAZING, and it actually works. The Ultra Moisturizing Lip balm lasted me absolutely ages and after my very first application started making my lips feel softer and less chapped. I love this product and it'a simplicity: smells good, does good. My lips feel soft and smooth every time I use it and it's only £1.89 on Boots online. Palmers also do a lip gloss type version of the product that I'm also mad about for, which is £2.75 in Superdrug- let me tell you, your lips will smell so good you'll just want to keep applying it just for the smell.

Body Confidence.

Last year was the first time in my life that I felt like I was fat.

I don't just mean "awwr man I'm looking a little on the doughy side"- I mean I felt FAT. Don't get me wrong, every single teenager in the world is, at one time or another, unhappy or conscious about the way they look,and of course it's totally normal. I had always been a body confident child. I was never too fat, and I was definitely never skinny. I had always been able to eat whatever I wanted and wear whatever I wanted because I was just average weight. I had my growth spurt and a few bad skin days, but overall puberty wasn't necessarily a bad thing for me. I am very lucky to have grown up in a very positive family set up when it comes to body image. I never felt the need to be stick thin or stop eating, a problem many teenagers today face. I was always told I was beautiful by my parents, and I have always had lovely friends who said similarly. But there was a time that most of my social anxiety and just my anxiety in general stemmed from the fat I couldn't bear to think about my weight. When I was about 14 I stopped growing, but continued with my childish diet and love for high calorie food. By the time I turned 15 I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror.

I felt like no clothes looked flattering on me, the way I carried my weight was all thighs and muffin top stomach- I stopped going to social events because I was genuinely afraid of Facebook photos. I wrote in my diary: "I feel like everyone's looking so lovely and happy and cute, and then there's me- the fat friend. I don't want to go out anymore, because there's going to be photos on Facebook and I just don't want people to see me like this." I felt ugly and disproportionate and unhappy with how I looked. I had 0 body confidence, I didn't speak to boys and thought that I would be a down grade for any guy I had a crush on (which when you're a teenage girl, is a lot of crushes). I only realized how unhappy I was when my mum tried putting up holiday photos of our family trip to Greece and I literally broke down in tears scared people were going to see me in a bikini. That was my turning point. Sitting in the middle of my living room floor crying to my mum because I couldn't bear the thought of anyone seeing those photos.

This time last year I was a 5"5 size 12 teenage girl. I wore a lot of makeup and spent a half hour on my hair every day, because I felt like a prettier face and cute hair would distract from my weight, and tried to only take photos from the waist up because I hated my legs so much. I don't think there has been a period of time since that I have felt that awful about the way I looked. I was ashamed of my body.
Today I'm 5"7 and size 8, I try to go days without a  laborious makeup routine in the morning. I've still got little chubby rolls on my tummy, my thighs just wont get smaller, and my arms are in no way Michelle Obama toned- but I love my body. I'm happy.

My whole attitude to my body changed after that summer I cried over my weight. I went a week barely eating and then cried because I couldn't give up food. I felt like a failure because I couldn't even starve myself. I considered bollemia but the thought of being sick literally makes me want to faint.

But I didn't need to. I didn't go on a crazy diet, I did not pull a "I Used To Be Fat" exerciser routine and burn off anything I put into my mouth. I didn't need to.

I still eat whatever the hell I want- just in moderation. I snack less, eating half of whatever I want and then waiting 5 minutes before I decide I need to eat the rest. I do yoga in my room with a tutorial in front of my on Youtube twice a week, and I use an app for 7 minutes of exercise on my phone most days. That is literally my routine. If i'm honest, I haven't really lost masses of weight. Going from a size 12 to 8 is bloody hard let me tell you, but I part of my new found happiness is my appreciation of my body.

A year ago I would struggle to tell you 3 good things about my body. I would have said: shiny hair, full lips, nice cheekbones. That would be all the positives. But I would also tell you an entire list of negatives: weird nose, too small eyelashes, fat thighs, saggy bum, rolly stomach, chubby cheeks, flabby arms, chunky calfs... I could go on. I was honestly the most miserable I have ever felt about my body.

This year I would tell you I still have shiny hair, full lips and decent cheek bones. But I would feel a little cheeky but confident telling you I don't have a saggy bum- it's quite cute, my thighs are more toned, and slowly slowly my tummy is getting a little flatter. I'm not perfect, I'm not "hot" or Victoria's Secret worthy by any stretch of the imagination- but I know that I'm not ugly. There are perks to me that I didn't realise before. I feel pretty this year, I feel so happy when people tell me I look good, it makes my ENTIRE DAY. It makes achy arms and a pressured tummy feel worth it. 

The best compliments have been from my crazy but wonderful friends and boyfriend who just say when they think I look cute or hot or just nice at all, and I don't think they realise how much that means to me. They are wonderful beautiful supportive people. One of the best compliments I've had since I started feeling 100% more body confident was this: my best friend managed to hand out with one of the 2 hottest guys at our school (Full on Abercrombie meets Greek God type lad. Gorgeous.) and she asked him what he thought of me. He said I was hot you guys. "Hot" FOLLOWED BY a guy in my chemistry class telling another friend he thought I was the ideal size for a girl to be.

These people don't know that I know what they said, and they might not ever know I know what they said. But one thing they will never be able to comprehend  is how happy comments like that make me. How much they make me feel pretty and happy and love my body. When people start noticing you start realising how much impact losing a little weight makes to your life, and even if it's not much and you weren't even fat- the change something like this makes to your mood is unbelievable.

And you know what? I will be confident and sometimes I do think that I look cute or pretty in a dress and I will say that because fuck it I deserve it and I DO LOOK NICE. I'm still working on me, but I'm happy and right now I DO like my body and I DON'T care what anyone else has to say. There's a struggle and sometimes of course you feel low, and you feel like it's not worth it, or you're not worth it, or that you're ugly or you're still chubby and you're failing- but you are beautiful. You need to change your mind set to change your life and make a difference, positivity and optimism is the way to look at it. STOP picking out the bad points and focus on the good. Some of the sexiest women in history are curvy women- I'M STILL CURVY and I don't want to change that. Marilyn Monroe was and is still considered one of the sexiest women in history. Does Beyonce have a thigh gap? You don't need to be skinny to be happy, but if losing a little will make you feel sexy and pretty and wonderful DO IT. 

AND DON'T YOU DARE CHANGE YOURSELF TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE. THE CHANGE IS FOR YOU AND IT SHOULD BE WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY FUCK WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. My God, the importance of loving yourself these days is completely underrated. 

It's amazing what you can achieve when you stop crying and start smiling.

Friendships.

So lately friendships have been a really topsy turvy part of my life, and I figured this is as good away as any to vent. *Deep breath* so here goes:

Just like any other relationship in life, sometimes even friendships need work.
Sometimes you meet someone who becomes a good friend of yours so quickly, you hang out with them because it's easy, because there are mutual likes, dislikes over movies and music and people and fashion, a lot of similarities- it's simple.But after a long while, you're going to start pissing each other off. It's a fact of life, over time people annoy each other and friends fall out.

Getting annoyed at your friends sometimes is a natural thing. In life people who you're around that much will irritate you, that's just a fact. But being irritated and hurt and fighting with someone on a regular basis is not a healthy or normal relationship. Constant drama and negative feelings are NOT just a normal friendship. You can't hold grudges or bitch about each other, and communication- like in relationships- are key. Fighting happens, you work through you fix problems- but fighting all the time? Fighting is not communicating, that's all I'm saying.

Sometimes friendships run their course... sometimes you need to walk away.
Toxic relationships can happen not just between lovers but also between friends. Some friends get you down to the point you actually start to feel depressed, or involve you in things you shouldn't be involved in, or hurt you or your life in some way, and just generally have a negative impact on you.
It's hard and it takes a lot to do so- but sometimes you need to walk away. You can be supportive until a point, but when someone is affecting your mental and emotional well-being, you need to think about how to distance yourself. You either need to talk to that person and try to move forward and fix the situation in some way- but sometimes thing's are really to broken and sometimes you need to walk away.

Friendships are funny little things- and sometimes walking away from them makes you a bad person. That's just how it is- not being there for people makes you a crappy friend, because sometimes in times of trouble people need you. But sometimes there comes a point where you have to keep your emotional well-being in the balance of things.

Happiness Is a Choice

Okay, firstly I'm gonna start by saying that this post does not apply to people who have depression. For some people being happy really is a struggle, and depression is not just a state of mind but also can be a mental illness. Now and then some people do just mope around and feel a little sorry for themselves- but someone who has depression is not just someone you can pull out of their house to go see a cheesy movie, eat some sugary foods and cheer up in a couple of hours. Sometimes it's a struggle, and people need help and support and time and medical care, and that is something fundamental we all need to understand and appreciate in this day and age.

BUT

Then there are those of us who do not suffer from any such illness.
Lately in life there's been a lot of confusion, a lot of fighting and a lot of negativity around. It's easy for every little things to start building up, and suddenly without you realizing you have a mountain of problems. Things in your house stop working, random expenses, fighting with your friends, self confidence issues- it's something that everyone goes through.
Lately all those little things have been really overwhelming, and negative thoughts have been consuming every part of my day and making it really hard to focus and appreciate things in daily life that would usually make me smile. It weighs me down and makes me feel worse and worse, to the point I'm so frustrated I want to just stay in bed, not deal with my problems, or cry or just blame someone else... we all do it.

But today I came to the realization that happiness is a choice.
How? Well, the honest and cheesy answer is 80's movies. Truth. One morning last weekend after a mountain of homework and feeling tired, and fat, and ugly and upset about my workload from school, and worried about relationships with friends, and worries I was boring my boyfriend and pissing off my family- I found a movie: Steel Magnolias.
I watched that movie for the first time since I was 13 and cried, as always, like a baby at the end. (If you watch that movie and you're not an emotional wreck by the end of that movie, you must have nerves of steel.) People often get caught up in their lives, their little problems and cliques and families and friends- and the baggage and issues that come with it. Steel Magnolias puts things into perspective for me, I know it's old and cheesy and cute, and I am fully aware it's fictional- but watching it through by yourself on a Sunday where everything feels blue, it all feels very real- and it makes quite the impact.
I recommend that every person should watch that movie at least once in their lives, and to let themselves cry and think about it and feel for the characters- it's good for human beings to feel something sometimes. Julia Roberts, Sally Field and Dolly Parton are perfection in the movie- and if you like a good 80s movie, it's perfection.

The main thing abut happiness that I took away from the movie?
Life's too short. It's an overused and cliche line, but it's the truest thing I ever heard. Life is too short to obsess over the little things. It's too damn short to flip through those glossy magazines looking at women who spend 50% of their time with their personal trainers, 20% with their stylists and 10% with their fabulous husbands and 20% at red carpet events and photo shoots. There is MORE TO LIFE THAN BEING A SIZE 2. And you as a person deserve to live a little.
There is also more to life than obsessing over that one little thing your friend said to you that bothered you so much. You cannot waste time just hurting and feeling sorry for yourself when you could be sorting it out, talking to your friend and fixing what's broken.
It's too short to worry and over think every decision you make in your life. Some people in life will live life, others will just worry their way through it.

Be happy!
Love your family, care about your friends, be crazy and weird, wear those too bright shoes, but do it all and look out on things positively. Positivity changes your whole life, your whole outlook.
It'll reduce your wrinkles, make your skin better, help you live longer- it is your choice to seize the day, love life, do something that you love!

You can just sit there and mope around and be sad and depressed- okay sometimes we need that, self pity and high calorie foods and crying. But after a while, you need to pick yourself up, wash your face, have a shower, sing a song really loud, and go do something with your day! You are the only person who can choose to be happy, because that's what happiness is- a choice. So choose it.

Winter Skin Worries

Summer is coming to an end, the bronzers, fake tans and bikinis are being hidden away again and the cool weather is coming!
If you're anything like me the cold weather means my skin will decide to play up and fuss. It's understandable, it comes as a nasty shock to many when the cold weather comes around. But never fear, this is my cold weather products for skin!

1. Washes and Cleansers!

Okay, so teenage years are infamous for being the ones spent desperately trying to sort out various issues with appearance, one that affects us the most? Your skin. The only way I've been able to battle my skin over the last couple of years has been trying a variety of different face washes and finding ones that work for me. My skin is fairly average, although it gets oily around my nose and T zone in the summer, and dries right out in the cold weather! (Basically my skin just hates me...)

So, I use Neutrogena's Visibly Clear Pink Grapefruit wash for my everyday in the morning. I had to try it because I used Neutrogena's regular orange coloured wash- and this one was pink. Pink. What can a girl do?!

I love this product because if your skin is feeling oily, not fresh and just a little bit meh, it's really great for getting rid of that without drying out your skin completely! I always find any facewash with microbeads in it make my skin finish up feeling really clean and scrubbed and soft afterwards, and this was no exception. The product smells great, looks very cute but most importantly works for me! The only thing I would say is I wouldn't use this product more than once a day on myself, simply because my skin would dry out so quickly! For removing impurities this product is my number one sking product, but I would say that the product claims to sort out your blemishes... it may do an extent but I havent found it to fix my blemishes completely! *Sigh*...
To conclude: great smelling, leaves my face feeling super soft, clears impurities super well, and doesn't dry out my skin! It's only about £3.00 at Boots, and such a bargain!

2. Moisturisers

This moisturiser was the easiest thing to pick, and yes- I am going to gush about it.
My mum has always been a great believer in the goodness of The Body Shop. I grew up on fruity soaps, sweet perfumes and am the proud owner of every lip balm flavour The Body Shop can offer. My mum left me the Vitamin E Moisture Lotion as a little pre exams present (because she knew I was stressed, and my skin was also in a sad state, and just also because my mum is a wonderful lady...) so I had no hype or expectation for it to be fabulous.

I fell in love with this moisturiser straight away. Why?
Well firstly, it smells subtly wonderful. The scent isn't super strong and overpowering, just slightly sweet and fresh enough for you to just appreciate it and think "ahh".
Secondly- it's light. Now i'm usually useless with moisturising- I hate it. It's tedious and boring and I forget to do it. Due to this product I now remember and (this will sound really very sad) look forward to using this product. It's very very light and has a kind of "whipped" quality to it, so it doesn't sit on your skin for hours and make it look oil.
Thirdly, you only need a tiny bit of the product and it goes a long way- I've had mine since April and it's still going strong with me now, and I use it every day! I absolutely love it, and even though it looks like a very small tube for a £7 product- it's 100% worth it.

Now I keep skin simple and with washes and moisturisers, so part 3 would be my regular foundation/ tinted moisturiser/ BB cream things- and as those change so regularly I won't put all the ones I use on here!
So that's it really, if your skin is getting a bit boring and sad, and just generally neglected- these are my little skin pick me ups for when the weather gets grey and you skin needs a little happiness!

If you have any suggestions about any  reasonably priced foundations that are good for every day please leave me any comments, or if you have anything to ask/ say about the products above I would love to see it so let me know!
That's all from me,
Love Matti X

Sweater Weather, Better Weather!

SO. Finally, it's happening- sweater weather has arrived!

Disclosure: living in England do not think that I don't treasure and wish for and love every tiny second of sunshine that we've had this summer, don't think that I don't totally and completely appreciate every ounce of vitamins and goodness from the sky, and the heat and the fluffy white clouds and days at the beach and generally soaking up those rays... I do. Trust me, I appreciate every bit of them.

But... it has been a long summer, and it began getting to the point a few days ago, where the mugginess was setting in. Where we were all packed off back to school and shoved into stuffy classrooms and overcrowded buses with the all too familiar and pungent odour of teenage boys after PE classes, and girls spraying an entire ozone layer of body spray. It was sticky and uncomfortable and no one was prepared. School

buildings in the UK aren't built for Indian summers, school uniforms are designed for the bitterly cold winter months, for icy winds and snow and sharp little droplets of rain. So needless to say everyone has been melting for about 4 days now. And for those who, like me, are lucky enough to be in a sixth form that allows home clothes, have nothing to wear. Because we all thought we were being incredibly sensible in shopping Autumn/ Winter for our back to school kit. Little did we know the weather had other plans...

But then- Plot Twist: I woke up this morning tucked right into the covers of my bed, not wanting to stretch out my limbs too far... and why? Because it was too cold. And in some insane way this pleased me. Why?

Because in my personal and humble opinion, sweater weather is better weather.

This first crispy fresh Autumn day is my favourite kind of day. Sweaters and leggings and boots and scarves are all things I love. Hot chocolates on cool Sunday's and walks all wrapped up in the crisp September air- what's not too love? Don't get me wrong, the summer was fabulous- bikini's,shorts, summer dresses and cute little tops is a season I love. But as much as I love soaking in the sun, I can't deny it- being tucked up in a baggy jumper or my favourite jumper of chunky scarf has been all I've wanted for the last week.

So bring on the cool days, the warm clothes and the hot chocolates!