Opinions.

Definition: In general, an opinion is a judgement, viewpoint, or statement about matters commonly considered to be subjective.

Your parents have opinions about those insanely comfy jeans that make you look a little like a hobo, how many piercings you have in your ears, what kind of grades you should be getting. Your grandmother has opinions about Apple products, and good food, perfume, girls skirts and risqué TV shows. Giuliana Rancic has opinions about hair styles and 18 year old girls embracing their cultural backgrounds- but we wont get into that debate now. Mean girls at school have opinions about your laugh or your hair, the shoes you wore last week, the way you talk in front of a class. They will sit and chat and gossip and watch- making comments about you and the way you live your life. They have their opinions.

But so do you. Regardless of how much of your opinions you vocalise, you always have them. Whether or not you tell that mean girl at school she's being mean, you have an opinion on her behaviour. Whether or not you say to your best friend that her outfit is terrible (which you, as their best friend, are entirely obligated to do) you will have an opinion. About the new person your sibling is dating, a new teacher, a cultural issue, politics, shoes, people, places, food- you have an opinion on everything too.

It came to my attention a while ago that people talk about me more than I realised, and also in a negative way- they have a certain opinion of me. Not silly bitchy school girl comments about my outfit or my laugh or my hair, but about my personality.

I like to flatter myself into thinking I am a relatively good person. I try to be good to the people around me and minimise any negative impact I have, In essence I try to be nice a lot of the time. That was an attitude I have at times in my life taken to the extreme, and that has backed-fired on me on more than one occasion. Being "too nice" is something my mother warned me about when I was younger, because people take advantage of kindness if their standards are not the same as yours. That's true of any relationship: friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleagues etc. Being "too nice" can result in you becoming totally exhausted, lost to the idea of jumping from one thing to the next to the next and not enjoying life because your're not living it for yourself.

Over the years I have lost that essence of being "too nice". I think that after a long time I realised that trying to please everyone was never going to work. I was tired out trying to juggle and keep everyone happy, I didn't think about the consequences it would have for me: being so exhausted and not myself, distracted and distant from the people I love because I worrying so much. It was a weird time and I was in a head space that I really did not want to be in.

The thing that a lot of people struggle to realise is: thinking of yourself is not always a selfish and negative action. It takes a while for this mentality to set in and that some people struggle with this concept more than others- if you care a lot about what people think and say about you, it has a much greater effect.

I am not by any means a selfless person, I can be selfish, worrying about myself alone and getting cooped up in my own head and my own problems and not sparing a thought to the people around me. Sometimes people get mad at me, or hurt or irritated and they have to snap me out of it and I feel guilty- I am no saying that I was or am now in any way a saint.

A lot more people would say I am selfish now than would have done last year.

At first, this played on my mind every spare second of the day, I felt this overwhelming pressure that people were looking at me differently and judging me, talking about me behind my back- which is something I have never ever been able to handle. But after a while I realised that constant state of guilt and worry about what people though of me was actually just bloody stupid? 

I realised this: everyone has an opinion about you, but not everyone's opinion matters. For so long I got caught up with the opinions of people who didn't like me, people who don't know me- cute boys I never talked too, popular girls who never smile. I took for granted the opinions of the people who cared about me- my mother, my brother, my friends. Because they were so close to me I almost blocked out what they had to say about me and my actions and my attitude. I'd get frustrated and mad if my mum called me out on a behaviour that was out of line- all the time caught up in guilt and anxiety about what little people thought of me.

I only realised after a couple of very awkward and destructive social situations over the last 2 years that actually- I don't care what little people think of me.

Why?

Go and read the definition again- opinions? They're SUBJECTIVE! People are absolutely allowed to have a bad opinion of me, because I realise that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I have a small circle of close friends (a conversation topic for those little people, who like to talk about the "clique" of annoying people I surround myself with) but, in my opinion, that circle of friends is one of the best I've ever had. My circle is small but consists of the best people I know, people who I love and who love me. People who make me feel better when I'm sad and buy me junk food when I'm sick- people who lend me their jackets and hug me even if they hate hugs.

I keep my circle small because you should only give all of yourself to people you trust- and actually, these little people are not people I trust. Why give yourself up to someone when you are fully aware you will simply be met with more criticism and talking behind your back?
This is something everyone needs to address in themselves, none of us a exempt from it. All of us at one time or another have expressed a mean opinion, talked behind someone's back, remarking on their actions or their character or something about them. As much as every person is entitled to their opinion and we all have freedom of speech, sometimes it's best, especially when you are emotional,a or uninformed to say nothing. Formulate your opinions based on fact as well as your gut reaction, or your opinions will be emotional and often misdirected and judgemental- it can just be destructive. If destructive energy is the only kind of energy your'e putting out, then surely you can see that destructive energy is going to be the only energy coming back to you too.

With how I live myself now I understand and appreciate that people find it harder to like me than before, when I really did try to make everyone have a good opinion of me. But the truth is, I think I am content with allowing people to earn my trust before letting them become an intrinsic part of my world. I keep good people close after a lot of trial and error, because I have opinions about who I keep close, and that's my personal choice.

I have learnt that the opinions that really matter in my life are the ones of people who came through for me. My mum, my brother, my best friends- people who are in my opinion, wonderful good people who understand and know me. They are how I gauge by actions and attitude, if I am out of line in their eyes I reassess. The people I hold close share a lot of my opinions, morals and principles and their understanding of right and wrong is one that I can get on board with and accept- so I do.

It's necessary to realise that every single person around you will have an opinion of you- but that not everyone's matters. The same way it is important to accept constructive criticism you also have to gauge when that criticism becomes destructive and unnecessary. People are going to judge and watch and talk no matter what you do, so just focus on you and the people who are meant to be in your life and just muddle through the best you can.