22.48: Sharing Tonights Thoughts With My Best Friend.

I was on the bus home and I was kind of zoned out and I was thinking I am so blessed like whether you relieve in the god thing or not 

I feel lucky at least because 

I have it pretty good right, and I don't realise it 98% of the time 

I procrastinated away 4 periods, got home and managed to do some work 

I only did that because I was around people who I love and who entertain me endlessly, I have a lovely boyfriend, my brother is acting like a decent human being and my mother is awesome (albeit mildly insane) and however much she drives me insane I love the woman?

And I'm all sat in a cosy little bed (and I've just ordered a bed that looks a bit princessy and I'm excited)

Life is good and sometimes I miss it and it scares me that I don't notice all the amazing stuff I have

because one day it'll be gone, and that could be in 30 days or 30 years or maybe I'll live till 200 

but it doesn't last forever and I neglect noticing beautiful things and people because I'm so focused on the next stage

so focused on moving along and ticking off my lists of things to do that whenever I pass brought stages of really ignorant and blissful time I'm "too busy" or "too tired" to hang out and laugh and sit and watch 5 episodes of the newsroom with my mum on a Tuesday

what I'm getting at is the little stuff matters to me a whole lot more than I realised

I'm having one of those cheesy clarity moments

that's all, felt I had to share today's thoughts

I love you.

It's come to my attention recently, that life is short.

One day we are going to die, whether we're 90 or 19- one day our lives will end, and all that will be left of us will be what we did and the people we loved and those who loved us, and that will be our legacy. That's how I feel about it anyway.

The reason for this strangely morbid way of thinking, is the result of being very very near a fatal car crash a few weeks ago, and having a good friends family member witnessing it first hand. There was an awful incident where a 15 year old on her bike was hit by a car going 60. She died upon impact. The driver was seriously injured as they have swerved trying to miss the girl and crashed into the trees that line the road. A close friends mother was in the car behind, and was the person who got out called the ambulance and watched while this girl was tucked away, because 7 minutes was too late to save her. It shook her family up, and made them think about their priorities- that night they had a big family dinner, and sat around actually talking to each other, sitting on sofas and looking at old photos. It was an event that really put things into perspective.

So here's my thing, if life is short- why don't we say how we feel? Why don't we tell that smug bitch she isn't actually God's gift, tell that teacher that he's being a rude ass hoe, tell that boy we've been crushing on we think he's cute, telling the people who really matter in our lives that we love them?

So this morning, my mum woke me up late to let me sleep, made me coffee and left things for cooked breakfast on the kitchen counter- it's stuff like that I love. It's little treats from Body Shop that sometimes surprise me when I get home from school, it's buying my favourite conditioner, or making loads of great food on really cold days. I love my mum, and I'm a melt about it, and we probably have far too co-dependant a relationship, but she's always been the only consistent thing in my life. Now sure we argue, and we argue a lot, and rarely it can be a huge fight (rarely, but it's a fairly gigantic affair when it does happen)- but I love her, and she loves me.

After a rough time at home over the last couple of months, we sat down and decided enough was enough, we all needed to change our attitudes towards each other in order to make our home environment a lot better. One of the things we started was hugging goodbye and saying goodbye properly when we left for school or work in the morning. Because you shouldn't leave the people you love angry, or alone- because honestly you don't know if there's going to be a car crash, or a fire, or some huge tragedy that's going to leave you in a situation where you don't know if they're okay. All you will know is the last thing you did with that person was fight, or you blanked them, or snapped at them or yelled at them. How awful would you feel if after that fight you hear about an accident and all of a sudden that person that you love isn't picking up the phone? Replying to their texts, and nobody has heard from them?

Time is short, people!

Those people that you truly love and who truly love you should be told as often as you can. You need to make the people that matter aware that they are important.

I have issues the phrase "I love you." I think it is overused, and that as a society we have become desensitized to what it actually means. I think hormonal teenage boys ruin it by telling a girl they love them on the second date, or to get in their pants. I think teenage girls ruin it because they put it on every single Instagram post with "bae" and tell them over and over and over.
But sometimes it's sincere, sometimes people need you to call them up in the middle of the night to see how they are and to inform them that you love them, that you appreciate them, that you care about them.

Telling your Mum thank you and I love you for the coffee ad breakfast on a lazy Sunday will be something she feels happy about. Telling your boyfriend or girlfriend I love you for the first time changes everything, and it can be so beautiful to be able to admit the extent of how you feel to someone, it can be liberating.

You don't have to say it if like me, sometimes you're cynical and treat it as a tired cliché. You can make your mum tea in the morning, cut someone's sandwiches into cute shapes, leave your friends stupidly long emoji filled messages that basically say "have a good day"- like for God's sake, hold that persons hand in public, kiss them on the cheek even when you're with your friends so they know you're proud to be with them. Listen to that awful track your crazy friend loves and tell them gently that they're crazy and to each their own. Leave dumb notes, make phone calls instead of texts, and try with all your might not to fall asleep hurting, yourself or anyone else.

Go to bed knowing you put out positive energy into the universe that day. 

Regardless of what I believe about God or religion or any of that, I maintain the belief in karma, and that the universe rewards you for what you do or don't give in life.

So say it or show it in some way, but our time on this earth is short, and one day all that will be left are the people that mattered, and the memories you made- in time most of us will be forgotten in the world but not in the hearts of the people that cared, so tell them you love them.

The Importance of an Inspiration: My Mum

Everyone has people they look up to for different reasons. There are the greats: Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mohammad Ali- and the recently passed Nelson Mandela. Figures of greatness and strength, people who gave others hope, a voice. People like that gave people their whole lives, created a place where people could really live and not just be alive. Victoria's Secret models are, in the minds of many young girls, the pinnacle of beauty and fitness- so are an inspiration to them. Politicians inspire thousands of people in life to strive to make a change in the world, like Obama. Some people are inspired by successful people, celebrities, fashion designers, the rich, the famous- But (and wait for the cringe) my mum has to be one of the most inspirational people in my life. 

Recently a wonderful lady who I knew died fighting cancer.Cancer is an awful thing to happen to any family, and the effects of it are honestly devastating. She had 3 kids. All 3 were left without either parent to try and put together their lives, while there was a hole in their hearts where she should have been. I cannot even begin to imagine how much strength it takes for those three to carry on in their lives with neither parent to guide them, and the loss of their mother staying with them. It really made me think about how much my mum means to me and does for me in my life. The woman is irreplaceable. 

So, this post is dedicated to my Mumma.
What a cringe, what a mummy's girl- I know what you're thinking, how cliche, of course she loves her mum. Yes of course my mum, but like every other person in the world I forget about her and take her for granted. I forget that just because she's a mum she does not have everything together. She does not necessarily know what to do, she will make mistakes, she gets mad, she can lose it sometimes. The fact that you love your mum does not make up for taking her for granted, being rude or disrespectful. I can understand for people who have a rocky relationship with their parents how frustrating people like me must be... but honestly in most cases, our mother tried their hardest to make everything good for us. Generally they want the best for us, they want us to succeed, be happy in our lives. So assuming they know you love them too is not a good thing. Mother's invest so much into their kids, whether it is wanted or not. Think about everything your mum does for you... all of us are at least a little spoilt by our Mumma's.

Now don't get me wrong, there are times I want to yell and scream and fight with her about something, because the woman can nag, and she can be a little harsh with her judgement  or I wont like the tone she's taking with me, or she'll stress me out too much over things- we are not perfect people. We're as bad as each other when it comes to our tempers, but we love each other ridiculous amounts as well. Affection and love is something I was lucky enough to always have plenty of as a child, almost too much. My mum tried to shield me from a lot of things in life, keep us all safe and happy- I always knew I was loved.

That's why I can never really fight with the woman, because one of us will be wrong- and because we love each other the one who is wrong will admit it, we work on it and we move on. She will never hold a grudge, she just let's go and we learn and move forward. Even if I made a terrible mistake and screwed things up she'll sit through it with me, ask me what I learned from it and we move forward.

Her patience with me is second to none, she knows when to let me have my space and work things out but she also knows when to talk to me. She knows when she needs to push me, if I'm slacking- because she expects me to try my best. My mum is a wonderful, beautiful, strong woman, and I appreciate her immensely because without her I don't know what I would do. She inspires me to work hard, because that's how she got where she is today. She inspires me to be patient and loving with everyone. She taught me how to be strong and to stand up for myself, and that the only person I should rely to get me places is myself. 

She is a wonderful beautiful woman and I really couldn't do without her, so she deserves a little help around the house. She needs a few things done when she gets home from work. Family time is important to her and I should try to be enthusiastic about it. I should let her embarrass me sometimes- it keeps her young. Because I couldn't be without her, she is honestly a true inspiration to me with whatever direction I take in my life.

Love you Mumma.