I love you.

It's come to my attention recently, that life is short.

One day we are going to die, whether we're 90 or 19- one day our lives will end, and all that will be left of us will be what we did and the people we loved and those who loved us, and that will be our legacy. That's how I feel about it anyway.

The reason for this strangely morbid way of thinking, is the result of being very very near a fatal car crash a few weeks ago, and having a good friends family member witnessing it first hand. There was an awful incident where a 15 year old on her bike was hit by a car going 60. She died upon impact. The driver was seriously injured as they have swerved trying to miss the girl and crashed into the trees that line the road. A close friends mother was in the car behind, and was the person who got out called the ambulance and watched while this girl was tucked away, because 7 minutes was too late to save her. It shook her family up, and made them think about their priorities- that night they had a big family dinner, and sat around actually talking to each other, sitting on sofas and looking at old photos. It was an event that really put things into perspective.

So here's my thing, if life is short- why don't we say how we feel? Why don't we tell that smug bitch she isn't actually God's gift, tell that teacher that he's being a rude ass hoe, tell that boy we've been crushing on we think he's cute, telling the people who really matter in our lives that we love them?

So this morning, my mum woke me up late to let me sleep, made me coffee and left things for cooked breakfast on the kitchen counter- it's stuff like that I love. It's little treats from Body Shop that sometimes surprise me when I get home from school, it's buying my favourite conditioner, or making loads of great food on really cold days. I love my mum, and I'm a melt about it, and we probably have far too co-dependant a relationship, but she's always been the only consistent thing in my life. Now sure we argue, and we argue a lot, and rarely it can be a huge fight (rarely, but it's a fairly gigantic affair when it does happen)- but I love her, and she loves me.

After a rough time at home over the last couple of months, we sat down and decided enough was enough, we all needed to change our attitudes towards each other in order to make our home environment a lot better. One of the things we started was hugging goodbye and saying goodbye properly when we left for school or work in the morning. Because you shouldn't leave the people you love angry, or alone- because honestly you don't know if there's going to be a car crash, or a fire, or some huge tragedy that's going to leave you in a situation where you don't know if they're okay. All you will know is the last thing you did with that person was fight, or you blanked them, or snapped at them or yelled at them. How awful would you feel if after that fight you hear about an accident and all of a sudden that person that you love isn't picking up the phone? Replying to their texts, and nobody has heard from them?

Time is short, people!

Those people that you truly love and who truly love you should be told as often as you can. You need to make the people that matter aware that they are important.

I have issues the phrase "I love you." I think it is overused, and that as a society we have become desensitized to what it actually means. I think hormonal teenage boys ruin it by telling a girl they love them on the second date, or to get in their pants. I think teenage girls ruin it because they put it on every single Instagram post with "bae" and tell them over and over and over.
But sometimes it's sincere, sometimes people need you to call them up in the middle of the night to see how they are and to inform them that you love them, that you appreciate them, that you care about them.

Telling your Mum thank you and I love you for the coffee ad breakfast on a lazy Sunday will be something she feels happy about. Telling your boyfriend or girlfriend I love you for the first time changes everything, and it can be so beautiful to be able to admit the extent of how you feel to someone, it can be liberating.

You don't have to say it if like me, sometimes you're cynical and treat it as a tired cliché. You can make your mum tea in the morning, cut someone's sandwiches into cute shapes, leave your friends stupidly long emoji filled messages that basically say "have a good day"- like for God's sake, hold that persons hand in public, kiss them on the cheek even when you're with your friends so they know you're proud to be with them. Listen to that awful track your crazy friend loves and tell them gently that they're crazy and to each their own. Leave dumb notes, make phone calls instead of texts, and try with all your might not to fall asleep hurting, yourself or anyone else.

Go to bed knowing you put out positive energy into the universe that day. 

Regardless of what I believe about God or religion or any of that, I maintain the belief in karma, and that the universe rewards you for what you do or don't give in life.

So say it or show it in some way, but our time on this earth is short, and one day all that will be left are the people that mattered, and the memories you made- in time most of us will be forgotten in the world but not in the hearts of the people that cared, so tell them you love them.

Good friends.

Good friends are like good jeans, or bras, or luggage. Those are things you need as standard in your life. If you have these fundamental things I promise you that life will be easier, because your core components are of good quality and will last you a very long time.

In your life you are going to meet a lot of people, and as the years go on, you and the people around you are going to change. You are going to meet people who change you too, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. You're going to meet a boy that you would turn your world upside down for, you're going to sit next to a girl who bites her nails and you are going to have to resist the habit yourself (and probably fail too, don't feel bad the best of us fall to the nail biting).

There will be people who get you into boybands, or heavy metal, or Instagram. Crazy health kids who put you on a mad diet, a wise grandparent who changes your life with a humbug and a story from the days of black and white photos- the people that you surround yourself with will shape you and the way you are.

Therefore, in my 17 years experience of this big wide world, you need to surround yourself with wonderful people. People who make you do this:

And this:

Or this:

And make you act like this:

What I'm saying is, you need to surround yourself with good people. "Good" I am aware is a relative term, so let me just expand on what I mean. You need to surround yourself with people who are going to be good to you, treat you with respect. People who respect you will care about your opinion, but equally aren't going to sugar coat it when you are wrong. You need to have people in your life who are going to call you out on your BS, and keep you grounded if you get a little bit too floaty. But equally you cannot surround yourself with people who constantly bring you down- people who will support you and care for you and push you higher are essential for your individual happiness and well being.

I am incredibly blessed to have an incredibly supportive mother and wonderful group of friends who play this role in my life. Without this network of support and laughs and tea drinking maniacs, my life would not even be half as entertaining, ad I would not have consumed half as much coffee as I do with them.

Now, people are all flawed. Just because someone is a wonderful person does not mean that they will not make mistakes. You can do dumb shit without being a dumb shit, you feel? If you have a good friend who screws up with you, give it time- but forgive them. If a person is not there for you one time when you needed them I know it's difficult, I know it hurts and I know that you feel like they are no longer a good person for you. But if they're trying and showing you that they are there, and are sorry and make it up to you- and if that person would move the moon and sun to make sure you're okay again, then kid's it's important you forgive them. People mess up, we're human- the human condition dictates that we make huge mistakes, but we grow and we learn from them. Good friends will mes up, but if they are truly good friends to you, you need to forgive and forget.

I'm not saying that all people deserve to be forgiven. If you have a best friend who sleeps with your boyfriend and kills your hamster and dates your dad- damn son, you can push the slag out of your life. Toxic people lead to toxic relationships, making your life harder and more difficult- but good friends will improve your life, and make it happier. You have to be able to see the difference between people who are there for you and people who say they are, that's the true distinction between good friends and acquaintances who once showed an interest. 

If you are having a hard time you need to be aware that if you have a good network of friends, they will always try and help you. Don't keep it all bottled up because that will hurt you, and pushing them away will hurt your relationships too. Talk to your friends, over coffee, at your house, at their house, on the phone, scream it across a field, send a message by pigeon post- whatever you want, but make sure you communicate because good friends will always make you feel better.

Go out with your friends, make room for their mad interests as well as your own. Go to that comic book convention with your crazy guy friends, let them talk physics at you. Shop with your wanna-be Made in Chelsea crazed girls, talk Monet with the arty ones, try those cookies they make, listen to that song even if it's uber depressing and awful- you'll learn something along the way.

When it comes down to it, whatever you want your friends to be to you, you need to be to them. If you want someone supportive, crazy and kind, a good listener and a fast talking gossip buddy- you need to be all of those things. If you want consistent and strong and grounding, be that for them.

Good friends, like good bras, good jeans and good luggage will carry you throughout your life, making the struggles and journey along the way more manageable. They will be reliable, they will make it through the hard times with you, and they wont leave you when the pressure is too high, or the wash is too hot. But you have to take care of them too. Never underestimate the importance of good friends.