Real Talk: Riding the waves.

Recently I have been checking out the whole mindset of being 'mindful' to help me deal with any issues or anxieties I am having about my school work, social or home life, to try and organize my issues and various situations into more manageable chunks. As someone who does tend to panic, worry and generally get very anxious about stupidly small things, I feel like some of the techniques I use and some of the thinking I've been looking at might help other people in a similar position.So if you are the sort of person who has difficulty dealing with their anxieties and huge amounts of jobs then keep reading...

So here we are with the real talk: Sometimes it gets hard.
Sometimes life gets really overwhelming and real and important, and when that happens, everything seems to happen kind of at once. Nothing important or stressful happens by itself, it is always accompanied by other important or stressful things. I know, it sucks- but cest la vie!
Sometimes there will be periods of time when it feels like nothing is ever going to be okay again.
Everything goes wrong, everything hurts, and the number of things that need to get done start to have an almost physical presence in your life.


1. Let me start by saying you are not alone in that feeling.
That weight, and that stress- that anxiety that keeps crashing into you like a wave, someone else has felt that way. In fact, many other people have felt that way.
So you should take comfort in the fact that your inability to handle and process everything that is happening to you, is something that we have all felt at points in our lives- you're not alone.

2. Breakdowns are human.
We are taught we need to be strong to be successful, this is not untrue. You need to be strong enough to chase your dreams, to be knocked down and to get back up again.
But it is an entirely human response once in a while, to sit down and feel sad- to be overwhelmed, to be emotional. Letting your sadness wash through you, letting the struggle hurt and addressing the fact you're angry or frustrated or upset is actually very healthy. human beings are not designed to be happy or strong all the time, we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, We are flawed, it is a fundamental feature of our existence. It doesn't matter how pretty, or rich, or successful, or funny, or smart a  person is- they will have flaws. They will have too short a temper, be too harsh on themselves, be too harsh on others, fear relationships, test relationships, have issues with authority, have issues without any authority. The fact is no one is perfect, and the acceptance of our flaws and moments of weakness is okay.

3. Drowning.

Being overwhelmed is a horrible feeling- it's like everything you need to and are expected to do suddenly washes over you when you least expect it. You turn your back on the sea that is your responsibility in life and suddenly you're caught up in a strong salty woosh of horrible things. Jobs pile up, and the more there is the harder that wave hits you- and if you let that wave wash over you and drag you down it feels like you're drowning.
In this instance you have to hold on to something that will keep you afloat. This can be in the form of many things, the least healthy but arguably the easiest of which is people: good, kind, constructive people in your life will help you float to the surface of the problems you are having, by giving you advice and support to get you through.
This is highly effective, although you need to be careful how regularly you do this because those people, for whatever reason, may not always be there to bring you back up, leaving you to cope for yourself. So use people to stay afloat very rarely.
Alternative ways to keep yourself afloat include routine: have a set time to do things, go and sleep, make a little time for yourself, for your family, friends, extra curricular activities. But have them in a regular and achievable routine. This will help normalise your issues, or regulate the waves you feel. Organising yourself to the point you know when those waves or that intense pile up of jobs is going to happen will help you to prepare for their impact. Trust me, it helps.


4. Physical effects of drowning (ie: panic attacks and anxiety)

To deal with the physical effects of your emotional or mental "drowning"in your worries or anxieties it's really important to think about how the effect you physically. The most important is breathing:
breathing slower and more deeply is going to pull your body out of a sense of panic and shock, and once your body starts to stop freaking out, your head should automatically follow. It's like an anchor. Think about how you're sitting and if it is going to make you feel more light headed. Do not sit paralysed, movement helps to get the blood pumping round your body in a non-panicky way. Make sure you move, but as you do make sure you are doing things deliberately with force and focus: this way you don't feel like you're treading water and more like you're swimming to shore. The more you make a conscious effort not to panic and try to improve whatever situation you're in, the faster these overwhelming thoughts and issues can be resolved.

So there we have it, some real talk about how to deal with anxiety on a small and personal scale. I hope you find it helpful, and I'd love to hear anything you have to say about this or anything else I post!

X

I love you.

It's come to my attention recently, that life is short.

One day we are going to die, whether we're 90 or 19- one day our lives will end, and all that will be left of us will be what we did and the people we loved and those who loved us, and that will be our legacy. That's how I feel about it anyway.

The reason for this strangely morbid way of thinking, is the result of being very very near a fatal car crash a few weeks ago, and having a good friends family member witnessing it first hand. There was an awful incident where a 15 year old on her bike was hit by a car going 60. She died upon impact. The driver was seriously injured as they have swerved trying to miss the girl and crashed into the trees that line the road. A close friends mother was in the car behind, and was the person who got out called the ambulance and watched while this girl was tucked away, because 7 minutes was too late to save her. It shook her family up, and made them think about their priorities- that night they had a big family dinner, and sat around actually talking to each other, sitting on sofas and looking at old photos. It was an event that really put things into perspective.

So here's my thing, if life is short- why don't we say how we feel? Why don't we tell that smug bitch she isn't actually God's gift, tell that teacher that he's being a rude ass hoe, tell that boy we've been crushing on we think he's cute, telling the people who really matter in our lives that we love them?

So this morning, my mum woke me up late to let me sleep, made me coffee and left things for cooked breakfast on the kitchen counter- it's stuff like that I love. It's little treats from Body Shop that sometimes surprise me when I get home from school, it's buying my favourite conditioner, or making loads of great food on really cold days. I love my mum, and I'm a melt about it, and we probably have far too co-dependant a relationship, but she's always been the only consistent thing in my life. Now sure we argue, and we argue a lot, and rarely it can be a huge fight (rarely, but it's a fairly gigantic affair when it does happen)- but I love her, and she loves me.

After a rough time at home over the last couple of months, we sat down and decided enough was enough, we all needed to change our attitudes towards each other in order to make our home environment a lot better. One of the things we started was hugging goodbye and saying goodbye properly when we left for school or work in the morning. Because you shouldn't leave the people you love angry, or alone- because honestly you don't know if there's going to be a car crash, or a fire, or some huge tragedy that's going to leave you in a situation where you don't know if they're okay. All you will know is the last thing you did with that person was fight, or you blanked them, or snapped at them or yelled at them. How awful would you feel if after that fight you hear about an accident and all of a sudden that person that you love isn't picking up the phone? Replying to their texts, and nobody has heard from them?

Time is short, people!

Those people that you truly love and who truly love you should be told as often as you can. You need to make the people that matter aware that they are important.

I have issues the phrase "I love you." I think it is overused, and that as a society we have become desensitized to what it actually means. I think hormonal teenage boys ruin it by telling a girl they love them on the second date, or to get in their pants. I think teenage girls ruin it because they put it on every single Instagram post with "bae" and tell them over and over and over.
But sometimes it's sincere, sometimes people need you to call them up in the middle of the night to see how they are and to inform them that you love them, that you appreciate them, that you care about them.

Telling your Mum thank you and I love you for the coffee ad breakfast on a lazy Sunday will be something she feels happy about. Telling your boyfriend or girlfriend I love you for the first time changes everything, and it can be so beautiful to be able to admit the extent of how you feel to someone, it can be liberating.

You don't have to say it if like me, sometimes you're cynical and treat it as a tired cliché. You can make your mum tea in the morning, cut someone's sandwiches into cute shapes, leave your friends stupidly long emoji filled messages that basically say "have a good day"- like for God's sake, hold that persons hand in public, kiss them on the cheek even when you're with your friends so they know you're proud to be with them. Listen to that awful track your crazy friend loves and tell them gently that they're crazy and to each their own. Leave dumb notes, make phone calls instead of texts, and try with all your might not to fall asleep hurting, yourself or anyone else.

Go to bed knowing you put out positive energy into the universe that day. 

Regardless of what I believe about God or religion or any of that, I maintain the belief in karma, and that the universe rewards you for what you do or don't give in life.

So say it or show it in some way, but our time on this earth is short, and one day all that will be left are the people that mattered, and the memories you made- in time most of us will be forgotten in the world but not in the hearts of the people that cared, so tell them you love them.

Chapters.

Hello there lovelies!

So, lately things got a little bit wild in my little life and my blog posts were to say the least- pretty sad. After a very busy year I had a lot of time to myself this summer to consider life and to slow down and process things. This year was one that has definitely changed me forever, and I don't think I will ever be the same again. The people I've met, the experiences I've had, have all shaped me. This year I found out so much more about what it is to be me. I am comfortable with me, I am not ashamed of my likes and dislikes, and I let people take me as I am- and in that way this year has been one of the best years of my life. It's been a crazy roller-coaster but in complete and total honesty I would not change it for the world.

I deleted a post that I wrote earlier this week, because in essence it was a conversation that I should have had with my best friend. It was a post for her and a little for me to get myself together and process. I deleted the post because I didn't need it any more. And because now I'm closing that chapter.

So this is it, this blog post marks the closing of an old chapter and the starting of a new one. 

And I think this little mantra stolen from Tumblr was a good way to kick off this new beginning.

I've been thinking a lot about new beginnings lately. I recently moved house, so that's a new start in itself. I am starting a new school year, and many other new adventures. It's crazy to comprehend that you can change your life any time you want to these days. You could completely change your routine- you could buy an one way ticket somewhere, stop eating meat, dress exclusively in blue, start belly dancing, write a book, make a new friend, see a new place- we sit there in our comfort zone and our little box what is normal and routine, when if you look at your life, you don't actually have to.

We can change our lives right this second if we really wanted to.

We don't have to wait for a date or time too.

This second, this moment right here could the the instant you decide to change your life. You don't have to wait for a new year, a new week- your life doesn't start on a Monday morning at 6.30am. If you wanted to change your life at half past one on a Sunday afternoon, or 3am on a Tuesday morning you can do that. I mean, really think about the things that are holding you back- are they really restricting you as much as you think? Or in actuality- those walls and boundaries and restrictions in your hear, are you building them up yourself?

So here we go: this is a new start right here. And here's what that new start entails:

• This blog will only have positive posts on it, and I'm not sorry at all. People underestimate how powerful spreading love and happiness and positive energy is, you can change someone's whole day if they read something that's going to encourage them and make them smile and give them a little push.
• Kick ass every day in one way or another.
• Wake up and achieve at least 3 goals every day.
• No leaving the hard stuff till last.
• Eliminate all negativity in your daily routine- if that's a bitching session with your friends that leaves you angry at the world, change it up- make the outcome of that conversation positive. By all means vent, but make sure that it leads somewhere, make sure you can move forward from it, trust me it makes you feel so much better.
• Keep your friends and family close, do not push the ones you love away- they will keep you stable, they will keep you grounded, and somewhat help with your sanity.
• Be honest always, if someone asks you something important, personal- be real with them. Being real is the most important thing in my life, and I gravitate towards people who are comfortable and real about themselves. I like honest people, I like up front people, people who don't talk shit or lie, and those are the kinds of people I aspire to be.

So here it is. My new start, my plan to seize the day and make a change- because you are the only person who can change your life to be what you want.

Peace and love and all that corny stuff.

Have a great day lovelies xxx

Balance Is Key.

With exams and everything lately, it's easy to get caught up in our lives- our social dramas, the small circles of people we surround ourselves daily. Our friends, or family, work colleagues etc are all the same, so when it comes to a high stress situation it can be difficult to get out of a negative mindset because other people are also in a negative mindset. In this way it is easy to let difficult situations get the better of you, exam stress can be overwhelming, not only because you're stressed- but because everyone around you is also equally stressed.

This little post is the first one in a long time because there was a lot going on in my life and I haven't had time to sit and vent and process for a while. After a sad but necessary break up, and potentially moving house, as well as up coming exams life has been moving a little fast, so I think I'm going to take the opportunity to sit and think through some advice that I have accumulated over the last few weeks to deal with some stuff.

In order to put a little distance between you and a cloud of negativity or being stuck in a rut, you need moderation and balance. Balance is key, work hard play hard works.

When it comes to your friendships make as much time for your friends when you can. Call them to see how they're doing, it's so much more personal than a text. Go out even if its only for a couple hours where you're not studying or doing chores or whatever, take a couple hours out of your routine. Not only does it give you a change of scene but also hanging around other people who you would typically not see that often gives you a different mindset- a new perspective. Always communicate. Now that is important, especially in times of stress- you need to commnicate how you feel. Do NOT  bottle up your emotions, and do not lie and bitch behind people's backs, it's not good for you or them and it will NOT make anyone feel better in the long term. Negativity breeds further negativity, positivity and love breeds positivity and love. Simple.


When it comes to work do your best, no one including yourself is going to thank you for a half ass attempt are they? Go big or go home when it comes to effort. Don't overthink, often when it comes to challenges at work or school you overthink- whatever problem or hurdle you are facing, do not make it a bigger deal than it actually is, simplify it as far as it will go down and then deal with it. It's like fractions, way harder in 4 digit numbers, simplifying it makes its so much easier to solve.

Do NOT overwork, you will be tired and frustrated and not a positive person to be or be around, its not good for your health or your relationships, so know when to take a breather. Relax.

As much as YOLO and life is for loving, everyone has to do things sometimes that they would rather not to progress in life. The reality is not all of us can drop out of school and be hugely successful microsoft owning billionaires can we? Otherwise everyone would. Exams and issues at work or college or uni need to be dealt with. you just have to do it- but you cant let it kill you. Read a book, have a coffee, go running, go walking, listen to a good album. meditate- take a little time, it wont kill you.

Balance is key to keep you happy and sane.

Feel how you feel.

Alrighty kids, so we all know what its like when you have a period time where it feel like you cannot get it together no matter what. It's like everything is messing up at the same time: your friends are falling out, you feel like you're fat, your family life is draining, work or school is just overwhelming you completely- and life just generally sucks. You feel like you want to sleep through the day and just hide away from all your problems and issues. It happens to every person in the world, you are not alone in those awful days or even weeks where you just feel like nothing is working out for you- it happens.

One thing that's always worked for me on days or weeks or just periods of time like that, on an emotional level, is music. Here's the thing though, I think music is a great escape, a really powerful way of feeling however you feel. Whenever I've had one of those totally emotionally draining days and you just want to be sad or alone or angry, I always end up playing the sad songs on my iPod, and I get lost in it. Sometimes people just need to accept and feel how they feel about things. Even if you're sad or mad about something so trivial and stupid, sometimes it's the small things that build up and get to you- human beings are not designed to bottle up emotions. To quote the literary love of my life John Green's, The Fault in Our Stars: "That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt" The truest statement of all, sometimes you just need to feel and express how you feel. Sad, loud, angry, resentful, beautiful, heartbreaking music is such a good way to "feel how you feel". Someone has put what you're feeling into words and are singing it with all their force- music is an amazing release in that way.

Personally I play the sad tracks first, then the angry ones- then it kind of mellows out while I sit and process and listen and think through whatever it was that was making me feel bad. Then usually I end up listening to Beyonce sing Resentment ( *cough* link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1aWqEa3Ce8 *cough*) and I get all sassy and cool off- then I look in the mirror take a breath (and usually a shower to wash away all the negativity) and I get on, because you cant run away from your responsibilities or your issues for too long.

If it's not music then use art, or singing or shouting, running, dancing, walking or writing- try blogging, it's one of the most therapeutic things I've ever done.
People need an outlet, so find yours. You need to feel how you need to feel sometimes. Feel sad, feel angry or hurt that's fine- even if it's pointless, you deserve to feel how you feel.
But after time you need to stop, progress and move on, because in life you have to let go sometimes.

Winter Lip Products.

It's happening you guys, the winter is coming.

I know this because I have seen the Coke advert, the Christmas light's in my time have come on, and my Grandma has started knitting all her grandchildren jumpers. I know this because I can see my breathe in the air at the bus stop, and I can FEEL MY LIPS HATING ME.Winter has many beautiful perks, however its's effect on your lips are not one of them.
Being one of large lips I have a lot of surface area that can get cracked and dry and generally not very nice, so it's a yearly struggle for me to keep my lips smooth and pouty (All ready for mistletoe etc obviously...) So obviously I had to check out what lip products ACTUALLY work for this year and my loves I have my list of Top 5 Winter Lips Products!

3. Maybelline Baby Lips

These cute and colourful little chap stick type products from Maybelline are pretty fabulous. With a range of different colours and flavours to match your preference these little cuties are good for a quick top up when out in the cold. I used the yellow intensive care and the blue hydration lip balms, and I really did like them. You can wear a layer of lipstick or just on their own. They all smell fantastic and are a wonderful little addition to your makeup bag or just in your back pocket. Although these are a lovely little product I don't feel like they can save your lips once they're chapped. They are a great prevention for chapped lips, but if you're already trying to fix severe damage to your lips I'm afraid these are not the product for you. They are fabulous products, lovely smelling, cute size, beautifully packaged and a good buy. You can get these little cuties for £2.99 at Boots online.

2. Carmex Lip Balm Tube

Now I won't lie- I did think this little tube of wonder was glue at first glance, but don't be deceived  these little wonder tubes are a fabulous little addition to your winter beauty routine. The tub is a lot like lip gloss and makes your lips tingle a little when you apply- but CAN ACTUALLY FIX ALREADY CHAPPED LIPS.
I know, calm down guys, it's cool. Carmex basically saved my chapped little lips after a week of just licking my lips in the cold and letting them get more and more chapped. At boots they come in little pots and sticks with similar formulas but my favourite Carmex product has to be the tube version. In strawberry, cherry, mint, and just its origional scents the smell could be a little much for some but personally I love it, a fabulous and STRONG little product available for £2.99 on Boots online.

1. Palmer Cocoa Butter Lip Balm.

Here it is you guys, my number one beauty must have for winter lips. Palmers is a brand I am going to be raving about I think because I adore it. I LOVE cocoa anything, being a self confessed chocaholic anything that smells as good as a hot chocolate is pretty good in my books. Palmers Lip Balm smells AMAZING, and it actually works. The Ultra Moisturizing Lip balm lasted me absolutely ages and after my very first application started making my lips feel softer and less chapped. I love this product and it'a simplicity: smells good, does good. My lips feel soft and smooth every time I use it and it's only £1.89 on Boots online. Palmers also do a lip gloss type version of the product that I'm also mad about for, which is £2.75 in Superdrug- let me tell you, your lips will smell so good you'll just want to keep applying it just for the smell.

Friendships.

So lately friendships have been a really topsy turvy part of my life, and I figured this is as good away as any to vent. *Deep breath* so here goes:

Just like any other relationship in life, sometimes even friendships need work.
Sometimes you meet someone who becomes a good friend of yours so quickly, you hang out with them because it's easy, because there are mutual likes, dislikes over movies and music and people and fashion, a lot of similarities- it's simple.But after a long while, you're going to start pissing each other off. It's a fact of life, over time people annoy each other and friends fall out.

Getting annoyed at your friends sometimes is a natural thing. In life people who you're around that much will irritate you, that's just a fact. But being irritated and hurt and fighting with someone on a regular basis is not a healthy or normal relationship. Constant drama and negative feelings are NOT just a normal friendship. You can't hold grudges or bitch about each other, and communication- like in relationships- are key. Fighting happens, you work through you fix problems- but fighting all the time? Fighting is not communicating, that's all I'm saying.

Sometimes friendships run their course... sometimes you need to walk away.
Toxic relationships can happen not just between lovers but also between friends. Some friends get you down to the point you actually start to feel depressed, or involve you in things you shouldn't be involved in, or hurt you or your life in some way, and just generally have a negative impact on you.
It's hard and it takes a lot to do so- but sometimes you need to walk away. You can be supportive until a point, but when someone is affecting your mental and emotional well-being, you need to think about how to distance yourself. You either need to talk to that person and try to move forward and fix the situation in some way- but sometimes thing's are really to broken and sometimes you need to walk away.

Friendships are funny little things- and sometimes walking away from them makes you a bad person. That's just how it is- not being there for people makes you a crappy friend, because sometimes in times of trouble people need you. But sometimes there comes a point where you have to keep your emotional well-being in the balance of things.