Opinions.

Definition: In general, an opinion is a judgement, viewpoint, or statement about matters commonly considered to be subjective.

Your parents have opinions about those insanely comfy jeans that make you look a little like a hobo, how many piercings you have in your ears, what kind of grades you should be getting. Your grandmother has opinions about Apple products, and good food, perfume, girls skirts and risqué TV shows. Giuliana Rancic has opinions about hair styles and 18 year old girls embracing their cultural backgrounds- but we wont get into that debate now. Mean girls at school have opinions about your laugh or your hair, the shoes you wore last week, the way you talk in front of a class. They will sit and chat and gossip and watch- making comments about you and the way you live your life. They have their opinions.

But so do you. Regardless of how much of your opinions you vocalise, you always have them. Whether or not you tell that mean girl at school she's being mean, you have an opinion on her behaviour. Whether or not you say to your best friend that her outfit is terrible (which you, as their best friend, are entirely obligated to do) you will have an opinion. About the new person your sibling is dating, a new teacher, a cultural issue, politics, shoes, people, places, food- you have an opinion on everything too.

It came to my attention a while ago that people talk about me more than I realised, and also in a negative way- they have a certain opinion of me. Not silly bitchy school girl comments about my outfit or my laugh or my hair, but about my personality.

I like to flatter myself into thinking I am a relatively good person. I try to be good to the people around me and minimise any negative impact I have, In essence I try to be nice a lot of the time. That was an attitude I have at times in my life taken to the extreme, and that has backed-fired on me on more than one occasion. Being "too nice" is something my mother warned me about when I was younger, because people take advantage of kindness if their standards are not the same as yours. That's true of any relationship: friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, colleagues etc. Being "too nice" can result in you becoming totally exhausted, lost to the idea of jumping from one thing to the next to the next and not enjoying life because your're not living it for yourself.

Over the years I have lost that essence of being "too nice". I think that after a long time I realised that trying to please everyone was never going to work. I was tired out trying to juggle and keep everyone happy, I didn't think about the consequences it would have for me: being so exhausted and not myself, distracted and distant from the people I love because I worrying so much. It was a weird time and I was in a head space that I really did not want to be in.

The thing that a lot of people struggle to realise is: thinking of yourself is not always a selfish and negative action. It takes a while for this mentality to set in and that some people struggle with this concept more than others- if you care a lot about what people think and say about you, it has a much greater effect.

I am not by any means a selfless person, I can be selfish, worrying about myself alone and getting cooped up in my own head and my own problems and not sparing a thought to the people around me. Sometimes people get mad at me, or hurt or irritated and they have to snap me out of it and I feel guilty- I am no saying that I was or am now in any way a saint.

A lot more people would say I am selfish now than would have done last year.

At first, this played on my mind every spare second of the day, I felt this overwhelming pressure that people were looking at me differently and judging me, talking about me behind my back- which is something I have never ever been able to handle. But after a while I realised that constant state of guilt and worry about what people though of me was actually just bloody stupid? 

I realised this: everyone has an opinion about you, but not everyone's opinion matters. For so long I got caught up with the opinions of people who didn't like me, people who don't know me- cute boys I never talked too, popular girls who never smile. I took for granted the opinions of the people who cared about me- my mother, my brother, my friends. Because they were so close to me I almost blocked out what they had to say about me and my actions and my attitude. I'd get frustrated and mad if my mum called me out on a behaviour that was out of line- all the time caught up in guilt and anxiety about what little people thought of me.

I only realised after a couple of very awkward and destructive social situations over the last 2 years that actually- I don't care what little people think of me.

Why?

Go and read the definition again- opinions? They're SUBJECTIVE! People are absolutely allowed to have a bad opinion of me, because I realise that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I have a small circle of close friends (a conversation topic for those little people, who like to talk about the "clique" of annoying people I surround myself with) but, in my opinion, that circle of friends is one of the best I've ever had. My circle is small but consists of the best people I know, people who I love and who love me. People who make me feel better when I'm sad and buy me junk food when I'm sick- people who lend me their jackets and hug me even if they hate hugs.

I keep my circle small because you should only give all of yourself to people you trust- and actually, these little people are not people I trust. Why give yourself up to someone when you are fully aware you will simply be met with more criticism and talking behind your back?
This is something everyone needs to address in themselves, none of us a exempt from it. All of us at one time or another have expressed a mean opinion, talked behind someone's back, remarking on their actions or their character or something about them. As much as every person is entitled to their opinion and we all have freedom of speech, sometimes it's best, especially when you are emotional,a or uninformed to say nothing. Formulate your opinions based on fact as well as your gut reaction, or your opinions will be emotional and often misdirected and judgemental- it can just be destructive. If destructive energy is the only kind of energy your'e putting out, then surely you can see that destructive energy is going to be the only energy coming back to you too.

With how I live myself now I understand and appreciate that people find it harder to like me than before, when I really did try to make everyone have a good opinion of me. But the truth is, I think I am content with allowing people to earn my trust before letting them become an intrinsic part of my world. I keep good people close after a lot of trial and error, because I have opinions about who I keep close, and that's my personal choice.

I have learnt that the opinions that really matter in my life are the ones of people who came through for me. My mum, my brother, my best friends- people who are in my opinion, wonderful good people who understand and know me. They are how I gauge by actions and attitude, if I am out of line in their eyes I reassess. The people I hold close share a lot of my opinions, morals and principles and their understanding of right and wrong is one that I can get on board with and accept- so I do.

It's necessary to realise that every single person around you will have an opinion of you- but that not everyone's matters. The same way it is important to accept constructive criticism you also have to gauge when that criticism becomes destructive and unnecessary. People are going to judge and watch and talk no matter what you do, so just focus on you and the people who are meant to be in your life and just muddle through the best you can.

A Little Relationship Advice.

It took me while to decide whether I wanted to post anything even remotely related to relationships and love and boys and crush's all that sexy stuff.

For a long time I felt like topics like this have a tendency to get really preachy and cringey, people get wrapped up telling their relationship stories and won't top going on about how good their techniques in relationships are. In a lot of ways I didn't want to be judged for writing about that kind of personal stuff, and the topic is kind of taboo because it's almost "too girly".

But to be honest, I want to discuss relationships and boys and crush's, because I don't feel like this kind of stuff does get discussed much. Relationships are a learning curve, no one can tell you exactly how to do it- but now and then a little advice can really help you sort through the madness.
So here we are lovelies, a little advice I have accumulated in my short time on this little blue planet.

1. Your head and your heart will tell you different things, know when to listen to each of them. Often people get to carried away too quickly in relationships. Falling too hard and too fast for someone is a very risky business because you don't know if that person is always going to be there to catch you. As much as taking things fast is a rush, if you're not falling for someone reliable- chances are you could hit the ground pretty hard.
Top falling analogies for you.
(I am not going to apologise even a tiny little bit for the Austin and Vanessa photos.)

2. Keep your wits about you.
Sometimes you think you're falling for someone perfect, and they're cute and funny and sweet and make you feel special- but it's sad, and it hurts to hear it, but sometimes people are not all they seem. That cute boy from history could be texting you all these sweet things, but if he avoids your looks in school, and won't talk to you in front of his friends or other girls- consider who else experienced the same late night conversations. Not everyone in this world is nice my lovelies, it's cynical but it's a good lesson to bear in mind.
At the same time don't be super paranoid about boys, they're not all bad as much as the boys in your town may be utterly crappy. There's always going to be a gem somewhere in there- have a little faith.

3. "I love you" is like virginity, you only get one first time so make it count.
I personally have a very hard time with the whole saying "I love you" thing. Some people say it more easily than others, just with me I feel once you say you have to mean it and commit to it- so it's not a phrase I tend to throw around when it comes to boys.
With the phrase there is no set time frame around which you need to say it- if you feel it, and you think the person your with feels the same, tell them. You can be in a relationship for a year and not feel love, and be with someone else and feel love in just a month- it sounds crazy but it does happen.
As much as that is true, don't mistake intense affection for love. Affection can eb and flow depending on where you are in your life and the person you're with. If you've spent an afternoon in bed with your significant other (god that's a great phrase) and you've spent the time cuddled all close and making out and giggling then DUH you're going to feel really affectionate towards them. That warm fuzzy glow is going to be there because you're happy and comfortable and calm- so you could tell them you love them when in fact you love the situation you're in. (Just give it some thought)
Of course you can tell someone right then if you're sure that feeling isn't going to fade after they head home, but if it's 3am after a crisis and they're stressed and you're stressed and the world is cold and crappy, and you still have that same warm fuzzy glow- honey, it's more than likely love. So tell them.

4. Boys are basic. Especially teenage ones.
I hate to tell you lovelies, but it's true. Teenage boys have 3 great loves: food, sex and then one other thing depending on their style. For hipsters: food, sex, instagram. Jocks: food, sex, football/ basketball/ rugby. The skate boys: food, sex, boards and vans. The list continues. So put the necessary love in the gap:
Boys love food, sex and ..................

It doesn't matter how nice or innocent or sweet your guy is, he will want sex- fact. It's hard-wired into our genetics to want it, as humans it is actually a basic need. This is not a bad need in moderation (ooh cheeky) but is something as girls dealing with boys, that we need to accept and be able to deal with. Usually this is fairly simple: yes or no questions, and if the guy is an utter fucking tool, a kick to the genitals for good measure. (not saying all boys, don't hate me I'm generalizing to put forward a point worth considering as a young female).

Boys love food. Teenage boys burn a billion more calories than they should, due to metabolism they have been gifted with during puberty. They love to eat purely because they can.
Do with that information what you will, but my Nana always did say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

5. Forgive and forget.
People make mistakes, you will mess up too. If they're truly sorry and want to make amends, let them show you. Also, sometimes you need to forgive people not because they deserve it, but because you deserve to be at peace.
That is all.

6. Cut lose those who bring you down
Toxic relationships will damage you more than you now, limit the damage and keep yourself healthy and happy. People forget your happiness is part of your health, cut lose people who are unhealthy to be around for whatever reason.

7. Call them out on the bullshit
They should do the same for you.

8. Your friends are almost always right
Your best friends will know you best, they know what is good for you 9 times out of 10. Occasionally they will get it wrong, but really think about what your friends are saying if they hate the person you're with- just think about it kids.

9. Manipulation- bad. Keep your cards on the table and I promise you will enjoy it so much more.
Lying, cheating, half truths bullshit- no stop. You don't do it, they don't do it and I promise you will be happy. Be open, talk, discuss, argue a little (not too much).

10. If it's not lifting you up and is a constant panic in your world it's not working.
A relationship with someone is meant to be adding something to your life not taking anything away. Although relationships are about compromise and collaboration, they should not drain you completely. It's a little give and take but if you're doing all the giving, and hurting because someone else is using up all of you- it's not worth it. It is not working if your setting yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, that's just fact.

(If they make you feel like this...)

(And deal with your crazy... then he's a keeper.)

And there we have it my little angels, my list of 10 things that I've found make navigating all this boys and relationships malarkey a little easier. If you disagree or want to add anything or ask any questions let me know in the comments I'd love to hear from y'all- but thee we are!

I hope some of this helps a little with managing life, have a lovely day darlings xxx

Chapters.

Hello there lovelies!

So, lately things got a little bit wild in my little life and my blog posts were to say the least- pretty sad. After a very busy year I had a lot of time to myself this summer to consider life and to slow down and process things. This year was one that has definitely changed me forever, and I don't think I will ever be the same again. The people I've met, the experiences I've had, have all shaped me. This year I found out so much more about what it is to be me. I am comfortable with me, I am not ashamed of my likes and dislikes, and I let people take me as I am- and in that way this year has been one of the best years of my life. It's been a crazy roller-coaster but in complete and total honesty I would not change it for the world.

I deleted a post that I wrote earlier this week, because in essence it was a conversation that I should have had with my best friend. It was a post for her and a little for me to get myself together and process. I deleted the post because I didn't need it any more. And because now I'm closing that chapter.

So this is it, this blog post marks the closing of an old chapter and the starting of a new one. 

And I think this little mantra stolen from Tumblr was a good way to kick off this new beginning.

I've been thinking a lot about new beginnings lately. I recently moved house, so that's a new start in itself. I am starting a new school year, and many other new adventures. It's crazy to comprehend that you can change your life any time you want to these days. You could completely change your routine- you could buy an one way ticket somewhere, stop eating meat, dress exclusively in blue, start belly dancing, write a book, make a new friend, see a new place- we sit there in our comfort zone and our little box what is normal and routine, when if you look at your life, you don't actually have to.

We can change our lives right this second if we really wanted to.

We don't have to wait for a date or time too.

This second, this moment right here could the the instant you decide to change your life. You don't have to wait for a new year, a new week- your life doesn't start on a Monday morning at 6.30am. If you wanted to change your life at half past one on a Sunday afternoon, or 3am on a Tuesday morning you can do that. I mean, really think about the things that are holding you back- are they really restricting you as much as you think? Or in actuality- those walls and boundaries and restrictions in your hear, are you building them up yourself?

So here we go: this is a new start right here. And here's what that new start entails:

• This blog will only have positive posts on it, and I'm not sorry at all. People underestimate how powerful spreading love and happiness and positive energy is, you can change someone's whole day if they read something that's going to encourage them and make them smile and give them a little push.
• Kick ass every day in one way or another.
• Wake up and achieve at least 3 goals every day.
• No leaving the hard stuff till last.
• Eliminate all negativity in your daily routine- if that's a bitching session with your friends that leaves you angry at the world, change it up- make the outcome of that conversation positive. By all means vent, but make sure that it leads somewhere, make sure you can move forward from it, trust me it makes you feel so much better.
• Keep your friends and family close, do not push the ones you love away- they will keep you stable, they will keep you grounded, and somewhat help with your sanity.
• Be honest always, if someone asks you something important, personal- be real with them. Being real is the most important thing in my life, and I gravitate towards people who are comfortable and real about themselves. I like honest people, I like up front people, people who don't talk shit or lie, and those are the kinds of people I aspire to be.

So here it is. My new start, my plan to seize the day and make a change- because you are the only person who can change your life to be what you want.

Peace and love and all that corny stuff.

Have a great day lovelies xxx

The Importance of an Inspiration: My Mum

Everyone has people they look up to for different reasons. There are the greats: Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mohammad Ali- and the recently passed Nelson Mandela. Figures of greatness and strength, people who gave others hope, a voice. People like that gave people their whole lives, created a place where people could really live and not just be alive. Victoria's Secret models are, in the minds of many young girls, the pinnacle of beauty and fitness- so are an inspiration to them. Politicians inspire thousands of people in life to strive to make a change in the world, like Obama. Some people are inspired by successful people, celebrities, fashion designers, the rich, the famous- But (and wait for the cringe) my mum has to be one of the most inspirational people in my life. 

Recently a wonderful lady who I knew died fighting cancer.Cancer is an awful thing to happen to any family, and the effects of it are honestly devastating. She had 3 kids. All 3 were left without either parent to try and put together their lives, while there was a hole in their hearts where she should have been. I cannot even begin to imagine how much strength it takes for those three to carry on in their lives with neither parent to guide them, and the loss of their mother staying with them. It really made me think about how much my mum means to me and does for me in my life. The woman is irreplaceable. 

So, this post is dedicated to my Mumma.
What a cringe, what a mummy's girl- I know what you're thinking, how cliche, of course she loves her mum. Yes of course my mum, but like every other person in the world I forget about her and take her for granted. I forget that just because she's a mum she does not have everything together. She does not necessarily know what to do, she will make mistakes, she gets mad, she can lose it sometimes. The fact that you love your mum does not make up for taking her for granted, being rude or disrespectful. I can understand for people who have a rocky relationship with their parents how frustrating people like me must be... but honestly in most cases, our mother tried their hardest to make everything good for us. Generally they want the best for us, they want us to succeed, be happy in our lives. So assuming they know you love them too is not a good thing. Mother's invest so much into their kids, whether it is wanted or not. Think about everything your mum does for you... all of us are at least a little spoilt by our Mumma's.

Now don't get me wrong, there are times I want to yell and scream and fight with her about something, because the woman can nag, and she can be a little harsh with her judgement  or I wont like the tone she's taking with me, or she'll stress me out too much over things- we are not perfect people. We're as bad as each other when it comes to our tempers, but we love each other ridiculous amounts as well. Affection and love is something I was lucky enough to always have plenty of as a child, almost too much. My mum tried to shield me from a lot of things in life, keep us all safe and happy- I always knew I was loved.

That's why I can never really fight with the woman, because one of us will be wrong- and because we love each other the one who is wrong will admit it, we work on it and we move on. She will never hold a grudge, she just let's go and we learn and move forward. Even if I made a terrible mistake and screwed things up she'll sit through it with me, ask me what I learned from it and we move forward.

Her patience with me is second to none, she knows when to let me have my space and work things out but she also knows when to talk to me. She knows when she needs to push me, if I'm slacking- because she expects me to try my best. My mum is a wonderful, beautiful, strong woman, and I appreciate her immensely because without her I don't know what I would do. She inspires me to work hard, because that's how she got where she is today. She inspires me to be patient and loving with everyone. She taught me how to be strong and to stand up for myself, and that the only person I should rely to get me places is myself. 

She is a wonderful beautiful woman and I really couldn't do without her, so she deserves a little help around the house. She needs a few things done when she gets home from work. Family time is important to her and I should try to be enthusiastic about it. I should let her embarrass me sometimes- it keeps her young. Because I couldn't be without her, she is honestly a true inspiration to me with whatever direction I take in my life.

Love you Mumma.