This Big Journey- ie: The Pursuit of Happiness.

Everyone is a part of this big journey, this big pursuit of happiness that we call life.

The truth is, everyone wants something. Everyone wants to achieve some sense of fulfilment, purpose- happiness. People are looking for it in the travelling the world, reality TV, in expensive bags and dusty brown paperbacks. They look for it in dates, in women, their kids, their music, their bong, their friends, their boyfriends, girlfriends, homes, beds, jobs- everyone is looking somewhere for this ideal life, this fulfilment, and they're pursuing this happiness. We are all on a noble pursuit to find what makes us happy in order to make it through hard times- no one knows where to look, or how to achieve it, all we know is we want it.

The pitfalls of this pursuit?
If everyone is on the same journey there's this big contest. Darwin's whole idea about the 'survival of the fittest' applies so greatly it scares me sometimes. In life the people who aren't strong enough tend to fall down and get left behind by a world that refuses completely to stop turning. The strong survive and go on and continue to try and make sense of it. Harsh isn't it? There's competition and fighting and in a modern age the fights are different, they're emotional, psychological and tend to be a lot more about messing with people's heads than a primal instinct to repel other individuals. The "weak" and the "strong" have moved away from being defined as the individuals at peak physical fitness and those with the worst, but over to what seems to me like a battle of wills.

Here's where I think this idea of social Darwinism- in relation to a world where I see us as theoretically living to find happiness, this battle of the "strong" and the weak" is will related right? So even if you see yourself as weak, or you know you're weak, there's a certain element of species development. Human's adapt right? So what's to say someone of "weak" will has fallen down for the 99th time out of 100? Life is hard and people are mean and it all looks very bleak, and this "weak"person is laying face down somewhere (probably the floor of their room, maybe the school library) and they are thinking about giving up. They are thinking of removing themselves from this big race, this big pursuit of happiness. They're thinking it's too hard, it's too rough and I give up.

Maybe they lay there in acceptance of their fate, and cry or just lay silently. But maybe they only do that for 5 minutes, maybe 10. Maybe they sit up and brush themselves down. Maybe they sit there and realise this: you might fail, but if you try at something and it works out, you gain something great. If you don't try at all nothing will change.
I think that's a theory instilled in all of us as human beings. We have this amazing capacity to keep going, to keep fighting even when it gets really hard, when every ache in our body and pain in our chest tells us we can't do it, we defy every odd piled against us and pull through.

People are always looking for change, for bigger for better, for brighter. It's hard to understand the idea that happiness isn't an end goal. You can't reach happiness, you can't touch it and you can't contain it or keep it or store it for those days when it gets hard. Happiness can't be an end goal.
So what are we all pursuing? Why do we all have this idea in our heads that if we get that grade we'll be happy, that cookie will make us happy, that promotion, that boy, that girl, that dress- if we go here we'll be happy, if we move away we'll be happy, if we stay right where we are we are sure to be happy. Why? Why do we think like that?

Although I've never watched the film 'The Pursuit of Happyness' I was scrolling through the internet at an obscene hour of the morning and I found this quote:

"It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?"

And this is what I was thinking about. Happiness is not the end goal, it's not the destination. It's the journey. While you're making your way and everyone's on this pursuit and you're caught up in this big race, stop yourself for a second and think about it- really think about it.
The things that make us happy, the possessions, the people the places- they're special. We find happiness not in our end goals but the rough time we have trying to get there.

We find it in the people we meet, on page 147 of a really good book, in old movies- we find it in the love we have for our parents, kids, sisters, brothers, friends. We find it in eating toast on the floor ar 3am, we find it climbing under a duvet with someone we love. We find it as we move through life, in our passions, in our music, in driving around at 11pm, old photos of when we were kids, We find it in the times we laugh so hard we think we might lose a couple of fairly essential organs, negotiating cobble stones in £15 high heels.

We're all on this great pursuit, getting caught up in the race to find this unfindable thing- when you realise it's all around us. Happiness is not something you can achieve because you have it. Happiness is not something you can chase because the simple act of chasing it means you are ignoring every opportunity to feel it, to have it. Thomas Jefferson had a pretty incredible insight when he decided what he felt the pursuit of happiness was.

Honestly. I don't know why I'm writing this tonight.
It was just one of those moments of clarity situations where I felt kind of overwhelmed with the idea that we write our own stories, we form our own pursuit of happiness.
It's been weird lately, things are a little rushed and a little out of place and I needed some time to slow down and think- and when I did I guess this happened.

If you want to ask anything or just say anything at all I'd love to hear from you
Goodnight everyone x

Relationships: A Game of Yes/ No

Okay, so the way I understand it- relationships are simple.
That is not me saying that relationships are in any way easy, but they are simple. We seem to make relationships really hard, we overcomplicate something that could be so simple to move through and develop.

Here's how I see it: relationships are a series of yes/ no questions. The questions are easy, people are difficult, Inner conflict, moral boundaries, effects on others, that's what makes these decisions difficult, but essentially we are answering yes or no.

For example:

"Can I take you out some time?"
"Do you want to do this again some time?"
"Do you have feelings for them?"
"Do you want to keep hanging out?"
"Do you want to make this thing official?"
"Do you love them?"
"Do they make you happy?"
"Do you guys collaborate and compromise?"
"Do you trust each other?"
"Can you keep going like this?"
"Is there a future here?"

All yes or no questions.

Now don't get me wrong you have to ask a lot of questions in your own little head when you're in a relationship- and you're human, Sometimes you are going to answer wrong, but that's okay because relationships aren't a test and you can change your mind. If your answer to the questions "do they make you happy?" was yes but changes over time, you are going to have reasons for that- changing your mind is okay.

Here's the catch though: we can't control how other people are answering their questions. If you ask someone in a relationship "are they the one?" sometimes for each person in a relationship there is a different answer. For the most part, there is not a lot you can do about other people's decision making. You can't change a person, you can't decide their answers for them and you can't live your life or base your relationship based upon someone else's decisions. You do you, they can make their own minds up and if the answer to "are we on the same page?" is "yes" then go for it, knock yourself out.

So if it's rough and you're second guessing a situation or a person, break it down because essentially answering yes or no will clarify in your own mind whether you are happy where you are. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be. If there are a lot of factors in your relationship start with the basics yes or no and keep adding factors with yes or no answers.
"Do I like this guy?" Yes.
"It's my best friends ex, does this make me a bad person?" Yes.
"Should I talk to her first?" Yes.
Work through, add factors, do not overcomplicate.

In the end you know in your own heart what you want in a relationship, you know what and who is going to make you happy. You know the people who are bad for you and equally you know the people who are good for you, the ones that pick you up when you're down, make you feel better, motivate and inspire you- and you need to break it down and keep them close.

So the way I see it: you can't control everything, but don't spoil the beautiful simplicity of the things you can, that's the way I see relationships anyway.

If this helps any of you at all, or you just want to leave a comment and say your piece I'd love to hear from you! Just drop a comment in the box below:)

X

December Favourites: What's In My Bag.

It's winter time! And I thought I'd share with you lovely people a few items in my tiny little bag.
Enjoy!

1. Chunky Accessorize scarf.

I bought this chunky piece of knitted goodness last year as a Christmas present to myself, it was a premeditate buy and one that I am so glad I went for! The scarf is a big snood and is 100% wool- I cannot express to you how warm it keeps me. I have to wear it as one big loop when it's even mildly sunny because the thing keeps my neck a little too well insulated at times. I am DEFINITELY the sort of person who feels the cold (I blame my mother for giving me her incredibly poor circulation) and this buy is one of the best I've ever made.

2. Palmer's Cocoa Butter Lip Balm.

Palmer's- I don't know what it is, but they just get it right for me. Being a huge advocate of all their moisturising products, be it butters, oils or any other chocolatey products of joy- their lip products is what got me hooked. I usually go for a tube of their glossy moisturisers but when I grabbed this little gem off the shelf in a Tesco express all in a faff (as per usual) I figured I'd have a regular chap-stick type balm, for ease of access. This one is the chocolate and mint, and lord the smell is honestly gorgeous, but not too overwhelming either.

My lips have been so completely chapped and sore lately (my lip struggles never cease, I won't bore you with the details) and this little lip balm is an absolute saviour. Usually I put some on in the morning as I do my makeup to keep them soft, top up before I rush out into the cold and then also a little at night before I go to sleep so I don't wake up with that awful chapped and mildly pissed off look. (Instead I just stick with the mildly pissed off look.)
Palmer's you're just doing it right. Thank you for gorgeous smelling, beautiful effective products.

3. Sony earphones.

Earphones. Essential for travelling around Kent on poor public transport, especially in the dark and cold, by myself.

My current companions are little pink Sony buds, and I love them very much.

4. Lena Dunham's: Not That Kind Of Girl.

Okay, so this could turn into an entire post fangirling over Lena Dunham: her amazingly successful shows, her acting or writing, her wit, her honesty, her incredible sense of humour, fabulous levels of realism, how she is flawed in such a human way that everyone can relate to the broken pieces of her, her approaches to her own hair (currently luminous and amazing), her outlook on body image- Lena Dunham is someone who has completely enticed me into the arts world she emerged from.

Her book is hilarious and heartbreaking, realistic and outrageous, sincere and obscenely sarcastic- the storiess you will hear will each have an impact on the reader: making them stop to think and consider something: their own outlook on the world, their parents, their childhood fears, a string of ex-boyfriends, being in love, being heartbroken. Lena Dunham is incredible- I bought the book the second it hit the shelves in Waterstones and I keep it in my bag for free periods or coffee's alone, even the bus (despite the fact reading whilst travelling makes me feel gross- that's how much I was committed to reading this book.).

5. Kleenex. (I'm not going to photograph it because y'all know what Kleenex is, don't play.)

It's cold season, embrace the granny attitude of keeping tissues on you. You will thank yourself, I promise.

6. Body Shop Hand Sanitizer.

Again, it's cold season and after feeling like my insides hated me for about 4 days, I am OVER being ill. I am by no means a germ freak BUT I am sick of being ill, painkillers and laying in bed not being able to sleep. So I invested in hand sanitiser- which usually I have issues with because the smell makes me feel like hospitals and waiting rooms (and I don't know about you, but it's not a smell that hugely appeals to me). My personal favourite is Mango Hand Cleanse- but I'm just a mango obsessive so.

7. To Do Book.

I am a very disorganised and easily panicked individual, so I have a to do book. I picked up this teenie little black book for my notes and lists etc from Sainsbury's for literally 99p, and I feel like everyone needs a light little list book full of their to do lists. My essential.

Hope you enjoyed this little insight into what's in my bag! Please feel free to comment below anything you have to say- I'd love to hear from you!

X

22.48: Sharing Tonights Thoughts With My Best Friend.

I was on the bus home and I was kind of zoned out and I was thinking I am so blessed like whether you relieve in the god thing or not 

I feel lucky at least because 

I have it pretty good right, and I don't realise it 98% of the time 

I procrastinated away 4 periods, got home and managed to do some work 

I only did that because I was around people who I love and who entertain me endlessly, I have a lovely boyfriend, my brother is acting like a decent human being and my mother is awesome (albeit mildly insane) and however much she drives me insane I love the woman?

And I'm all sat in a cosy little bed (and I've just ordered a bed that looks a bit princessy and I'm excited)

Life is good and sometimes I miss it and it scares me that I don't notice all the amazing stuff I have

because one day it'll be gone, and that could be in 30 days or 30 years or maybe I'll live till 200 

but it doesn't last forever and I neglect noticing beautiful things and people because I'm so focused on the next stage

so focused on moving along and ticking off my lists of things to do that whenever I pass brought stages of really ignorant and blissful time I'm "too busy" or "too tired" to hang out and laugh and sit and watch 5 episodes of the newsroom with my mum on a Tuesday

what I'm getting at is the little stuff matters to me a whole lot more than I realised

I'm having one of those cheesy clarity moments

that's all, felt I had to share today's thoughts

Positive Energy.

Okay, so here's what I think.
In this life you put out an energy.

You know sometimes you meet someone and they're eccentric and funny, they have a charisma and a charm that makes them attractive to be around? I'm not talking attracting you to them in a relationship way, I'm talking you are attracted to their energy: their enthusiasm, their manners, their stance on certain issues, the way they hold and present themselves, what they have to say about things in life that matter- a person's drive or focus. All that kind of stuff that keeps you interested in a person, keeps you engaged in what they're doing and have to say- you leave a conversation with them inspired or driven, happy, or even feeling a little lighter.

Chat's with people who put out good energy and invaluable. Some people have a gift, in that their innate drive and avidity for something allows them to convert other people's energy into something good and positive. People like that are gems in the world that we live in: in a state of gossip and controversy, bitching and a little craziness, it is so completely refreshing to meet people like with positive energy.

Sometimes it happens that when the right combination of people get together they bounce off each other- musically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually. It is not always in a good way, for example: you can be with a group of  really gossipy friends who sit and steam over the latest scandal at school and leave conversations with them negative, bitchy and a little whiny, thinking over the issues in life and picking flaws in your own. But some people are so constructive when they are together.

I am lucky to have a best friend who I can really bounce of positively: even if we meet for coffee down and pissed off and done with the world and the people around us (family, friends, boyfriends, ex-friends, teachers etc) we can still finish that session of coffee laughing hysterically having vented and worked through solutions to all of our issues.

Sometimes you need to vent. Period.
People need an outlet, and often talking to another human being is the perfect way of doing that. You need to put out what you are feeling and work through it, but you do not need to put out negative energy. You can vent your feelings without bringing people down and you can be sad or angry or hurt without having huge and dramatic effect on the people around you.

Be the sort of person who puts out positive energy.
Have a passion for what you do best, work hard, have a drive and focus. Make time for other people, and take an interest in what they have to say to you- LISTEN don't just hear, it makes such a difference and the person you are talking to will feel so much better having spoken to you. Human interaction is deteriorating in an age of a digital world, a lack of bike rides and late night walks, and Snapchat. Listen to people how you would like to be listened to.

If you love something, be a part of it. Embrace what you love, do what you love and practice what you preach.

If you are living a life that you love, chances are it will love you back. Bear that in mind as you go about your day to day. 

Real Talk: Riding the waves.

Recently I have been checking out the whole mindset of being 'mindful' to help me deal with any issues or anxieties I am having about my school work, social or home life, to try and organize my issues and various situations into more manageable chunks. As someone who does tend to panic, worry and generally get very anxious about stupidly small things, I feel like some of the techniques I use and some of the thinking I've been looking at might help other people in a similar position.So if you are the sort of person who has difficulty dealing with their anxieties and huge amounts of jobs then keep reading...

So here we are with the real talk: Sometimes it gets hard.
Sometimes life gets really overwhelming and real and important, and when that happens, everything seems to happen kind of at once. Nothing important or stressful happens by itself, it is always accompanied by other important or stressful things. I know, it sucks- but cest la vie!
Sometimes there will be periods of time when it feels like nothing is ever going to be okay again.
Everything goes wrong, everything hurts, and the number of things that need to get done start to have an almost physical presence in your life.


1. Let me start by saying you are not alone in that feeling.
That weight, and that stress- that anxiety that keeps crashing into you like a wave, someone else has felt that way. In fact, many other people have felt that way.
So you should take comfort in the fact that your inability to handle and process everything that is happening to you, is something that we have all felt at points in our lives- you're not alone.

2. Breakdowns are human.
We are taught we need to be strong to be successful, this is not untrue. You need to be strong enough to chase your dreams, to be knocked down and to get back up again.
But it is an entirely human response once in a while, to sit down and feel sad- to be overwhelmed, to be emotional. Letting your sadness wash through you, letting the struggle hurt and addressing the fact you're angry or frustrated or upset is actually very healthy. human beings are not designed to be happy or strong all the time, we are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, We are flawed, it is a fundamental feature of our existence. It doesn't matter how pretty, or rich, or successful, or funny, or smart a  person is- they will have flaws. They will have too short a temper, be too harsh on themselves, be too harsh on others, fear relationships, test relationships, have issues with authority, have issues without any authority. The fact is no one is perfect, and the acceptance of our flaws and moments of weakness is okay.

3. Drowning.

Being overwhelmed is a horrible feeling- it's like everything you need to and are expected to do suddenly washes over you when you least expect it. You turn your back on the sea that is your responsibility in life and suddenly you're caught up in a strong salty woosh of horrible things. Jobs pile up, and the more there is the harder that wave hits you- and if you let that wave wash over you and drag you down it feels like you're drowning.
In this instance you have to hold on to something that will keep you afloat. This can be in the form of many things, the least healthy but arguably the easiest of which is people: good, kind, constructive people in your life will help you float to the surface of the problems you are having, by giving you advice and support to get you through.
This is highly effective, although you need to be careful how regularly you do this because those people, for whatever reason, may not always be there to bring you back up, leaving you to cope for yourself. So use people to stay afloat very rarely.
Alternative ways to keep yourself afloat include routine: have a set time to do things, go and sleep, make a little time for yourself, for your family, friends, extra curricular activities. But have them in a regular and achievable routine. This will help normalise your issues, or regulate the waves you feel. Organising yourself to the point you know when those waves or that intense pile up of jobs is going to happen will help you to prepare for their impact. Trust me, it helps.


4. Physical effects of drowning (ie: panic attacks and anxiety)

To deal with the physical effects of your emotional or mental "drowning"in your worries or anxieties it's really important to think about how the effect you physically. The most important is breathing:
breathing slower and more deeply is going to pull your body out of a sense of panic and shock, and once your body starts to stop freaking out, your head should automatically follow. It's like an anchor. Think about how you're sitting and if it is going to make you feel more light headed. Do not sit paralysed, movement helps to get the blood pumping round your body in a non-panicky way. Make sure you move, but as you do make sure you are doing things deliberately with force and focus: this way you don't feel like you're treading water and more like you're swimming to shore. The more you make a conscious effort not to panic and try to improve whatever situation you're in, the faster these overwhelming thoughts and issues can be resolved.

So there we have it, some real talk about how to deal with anxiety on a small and personal scale. I hope you find it helpful, and I'd love to hear anything you have to say about this or anything else I post!

X

To My Best Friend (II).

So, I wrote you like this once before- it was very different and very teary and very very honest, and I felt like after that milestone you would never want to read this little blog of everything ever again! But yet when I force posts and reviews on you, you read them and you humour me and I feel like I can probably force you into reading this one too. I know you hate these kinds of cringey things, but I know you appreciate when things are heartfelt- so I figured I would be a huge melt this evening and write a little something.

We're friends through mutual, muddled, acrylic paint and coursework deadline filled circumstances. Through the eye rolling over that annoying girl at school, through dropping every lame excuse in the book for late homework. A random person who had unknowingly sat on the edge of the others social spheres, who turned out be so frighteningly like each other that we still spook each other to this day,

When I met you I was a very very different person and you were too- we made questionable fashion and lifestyle choices, we consumed at least 4 times our daily calorie intake on a weekly basis, and once we got talking people found it very difficult to shut us up. (As they still very often do today.)

Since then there's been a billion coffee dates, Snapchats, Facebook messages. One prom, so many envied profile pictures, a few drunken nights of hilarity and one New Years that neither of us ever want recreated. There's been obscure conversations until early hours of the morning, frantic phone calls, and crisis after crisis.

There was a crazy Halloween, and flapper dresses- that cheeky almost foursome that we stayed well clear of.

There's been friends who turned out not be such great friends, and boys who turned out to be just as stupid as we thought. There have been eventful mornings where the pink shirt makes an appearance- and there was also that time all the lads wore suits. (Class. An absolute class day.)

There was that time we went to Wagamamas and had to walk to the station in the pouring rain with Ollie, who was only wearing a jumper, and laughed ourselves stupid. ( I never will remember what we found so hilarious.)

That time we breathed the same air as Cal, Ash, Mikey and Luke, and we screamed until our throats hurt, and we walked down Camden in search of a Starbucks FOR A STRAIGHT HOUR BECAUSE WE ARE THE DEFINITION OF WHITE GIRLS.

There was that time you were hungover, and we sat on the kitchen floor and I made you toast- we talked about the people we love (and hate) and about stresses and confusion and about how we actually felt about a moron, and I ignored the bitter things in my head and we laughed about silly things and then got back under our duvets because it was 5 am and we were out of it.

There was that time at Ollie's house when everyone ended up attacking each other with wet dishcloths and we had to tidy before his parents got home. We were breathless and hysterical and we had to watch a weird movie with wet t shirts whilst Ollie muttered the entire script.

That time with Kathleen in muffin break when we went for a random coffee.

That really cute lad in the year below, and how much we giggle to be annoying.

There was one session of messages about feeling guilty because the only remotely negative thing we had ever felt towards each other was jealousy. I will never forget that conversation because no one had ever told me something like that before, and I had never said something like that before either.

There's been dates and crushes and morons at school. Teachers that could only be the devils spawn and a few essay related panic attacks. There's been much needed catch ups involving impromptu trips to my house those times when you forgot your keys and we sat and stalked social networks, listened to old songs and went through endless OTP's on Tumblr.

There has of course been youtubers, a day watching Pretty Woman in duvets with all the unhelathy food I could find at Sainsbury's (one of my favourite days). There's been Brighton, and Nandos, and Nero's on a weekly basis- and I think I'm safe to say I have laughed more in your presence than any other human I know.

You have stuck with me, even though I am probably a hugely demanding person- even though I'm clingy and dramatic, and kind of mad. I think it's because secretly you're nuts too and when we're happy and nuts we seem to bounce off each other. Maybe it's because we only have like 4 people we like and 1/4 of them are each other, maybe because we hate the same people- maybe because we can Snapchat serenade each other without fear of humiliation or screenshots.

Whatever we've managed to do since we've known each other we seem to have ended up together trying to work out the utter madness of our very teenage lives, so thank you. Thank you for all the above and more, because I probably couldn't put down the amount of things you've helped me through, laughed with me about, cried a little over, eaten too much of...

So I guess thank you for everything Chummy

x